Today is my one-year anniversary! Although this is obviously not weight-related, it is an important point in my life. Being a Psychology student has taught me quite a bit about relationships, one of the scariest being that somewhere between 50-70% of divorces happen within the first year. That is a pretty high percentage. SO, for someone like me, this is a nice little milestone that helps me feel a little relieved. This feeling is pretty silly, though, because we haven’t had nearly as much trouble as the “normal” couple. We get along really well. We had some explosive fights in our first few years of on-and-off dating, but one day, it just stopped. I grew up a bit and made the conscious decision that life WITH Jared is MUCH better than life WITHOUT him.
Here we are in Puerto Rico about two months ago. To tie this in to my blog, this is at my highest weight. Looking at the picture makes me remember how great my life is. A lot of bloggers I have followed in the past talk about how unhappy they were when they were FAT, and to be honest, I’m fat and happy! I want to be healthier, but my life does not make me unhappy. I have a great husband, two wonderful dogs, a whole family who loves me, another whole family (Jared’s) who also love me, a great job, a chance to work in a field in which I’m passionate… shall I go on?
Anyways, about my anniversary. Today is my 11th day eating healthy. I’m quickly realizing that there will be times in the next year of my life change in which I’m going to have to go over my calorie count because it is a celebration day. Unfortunately, I am struggling to figure out what constitutes a special day. A one-year anniversary seems appropriate, but if I were to pick every holiday or celebration, I’d have a cheat day at least twice a month. Is that really what I want? My biggest fear is that if I engage in these cheat days, will I be able to get back “on the wagon” or will I be off for good? In the past, when I’ve passively tried losing weight, any time I had a cheat day, that was the end. I wouldn’t make it more than a week on a diet because A) I was passively trying and B) I couldn’t get back ‘on the wagon’ after I fell off. As I try to learn from my past, I’m stuck in this weird, stupid situation where I try to find confidence that I’ll be able to recover tomorrow, or else feel no confidence and just not celebrate involving food. Now that I type it out, it probably makes more sense that I not celebrate using food, but its not just food that has calories… its alcohol too! And that’s what I really want to celebrate with. If I have 8-10 beers tonight, though, that is 800-1,000 calories (or more), which means I basically have to survive the day by starving myself. It seems like I’m either going to have to go over my calories a little, or else I’m going to have to lay off the beers tonight. I guess a third option is to switch to a drink that doesn’t have calories. I don’t know. We shall see! I’ll have to check in with my decision next time. Who knew an anniversary could be full of so many questions….