Monthly Archives: March 2014

A week from hell

Well. I haven’t posted in a whole week, which is very unusual for me. Work has been totally crazy (and horrible), and I only have 3 weeks of school, so projects are due weekly. Fortunately, despite all of this mayhem, I’ve been doing relatively well with my new habits. Although I only ran twice this week (I’m doing my third today), I did my official weigh-in today and was pleasantly surprised to see 3.4 more lbs gone! I’m now at 22.4lbs lost! This is so exciting, as I was hoping to be under 260 this week. For some reason, seeing my weight at the next lower level of 10’s (50’s instead of 60’s), is really satisfying. Plus, my goal is to lose 120 lbs total, and that means that from now, I have fewer than 100 more pounds to lose.

I’ve been talking to Jared more and more about my weight loss, but I’ve never actually told him how much I was weighing in the first place. I’m really embarrassed about my number, and even though its clear that I am fat, I don’t think he realizes just how high my number is. Its extra frustrating when he’ll say something like, “I weighed myself today and I’m up to 172, I’m such a fatass!” He has no idea how hurtful this can be for me, especially because I had weighed over a hundred pounds more than him for quite some time now. BUT, now that I don’t weigh more than 100 lbs more than him, its going to be that much easier for me to ignore him when he says it.

Speaking of Jared, last week I talked about feeling hurt that he was spending so much time with Derek and not me. Well, he came home from LA Tuesday (his flight got cancelled Monday – this is the reason I didn’t run – I had to take care of the dogs on my break), and ever since then he has been doing everything in his power to please me. I’m glad that I didn’t allow myself to get too vulnerable while he was gone, as playing games just a little seemed to have worked! He has been spending time with me and texting me sweet things all week. It’s really nice to have my husband back. I expect he will spend some more time away next week, but it was really great that he made the effort to take care of me this week, especially since everything was so crappy.

Now, I try not to get too personal about work and internship, but because I’ve been experiencing SOO much anxiety this week, I have to vent a little. Things at work have been horrible. I got yelled at in a meeting a couple weeks ago, and then this week, after our ‘team meeting,’ my boss made me meet with her for like two hours to basically get dirt on everyone else. This isn’t really what I’m all about. I just want to be treated like everyone else, I don’t want to out them so that they can be treated badly, I just want to point out that I’m not being treated the same so my boss will lay off me a bit. I graduate from GRAD SCHOOL in three weeks, does it seem like I need this stress added right now? NO! Ahhhhhhhhhh.

I know that there are several things I need to do over the next few weeks. One of which, is continue to eat healthy and WORK OUT. This week I only jogged twice, so I need to make sure I get back to at least 3 times per week starting today. I am hoping to do four this week, just to make up for that one. The second thing, is that I need to get organized for school. I have a rough idea of when things are due in the near future, but if I put them down on a sticky note or in my phone so I can see them (and cross them off), I will have a much more concrete idea of how well I’m keeping up with things. I also know that I need to take some time for myself. Something I love to do is take the dogs to the park and see them play happily, so I’m gonna try to do that at least three times each week too. Of course, sleeping is a big part of self-care too, but I don’t have a ton of time for that. Because of the anxiety, I’ve been trying to meditate this week too, which works until I get to work. I actually went home early on Wednesday because I was so anxious. BTW, I’d never felt anxiety until I started this mindfulness class. Ugh.

Today I’m doing C25K W5D3, which means 20 mins of running straight. I really don’t have much confidence in myself for a run that long. I talked to Jared about it the other night, and he told me that as long as I stick with the motion of running, I can do it, no matter how slow I’m going. I’m gonna try to hold on to that thought and listen to some music that really engulfs me. Sometimes when I get caught up in lyrics, I have an easier time getting distracted from how much my legs scream haa. Anyways. I’m gonna try to post a couple of times this week, depending on how work goes, so if I do, Ill definitely give an update on how today’s work out went.

ImageHere’s my happy babe and I getting some exercise at the park! Nowww do you see why I love it there 🙂

22lbs

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Spring has sprung!

Although today is a weigh-in day, and I’m very satisfied with my progress this week, the real news is that its finally spring! I believe Thursday was really the ‘first’ day of spring, but I didn’t get to work out outside until today, so YAY spring! I wore capri’s to my internship yesterday because it was supposed to reach 52 in Pittsburgh, and for the first four hours of the day, it snowed giant snow flakes! We actually got about 2-3 inches of snow… and the temp still made it up to 52 by the time I went home!

ImageAll of the snow we accumulated in the morning was melted by about 4pm. Mother nature has sure been throwing us for a loop this year. I’m hoping that this warm spell sticks and we don’t get any more snow. Of course, that isn’t going to happen, because snow is on the forecast for Monday and Tuesday again.

Ok – back to weight loss. For my weigh-in day, I was back on track like I had been in previous weeks! I lost 3.2lbs this week, for a total of 19 overall! I was secretly hoping that I would miraculously lose 4lbs so I could be at 20lbs, but all in good time. Nineteen lbs is actually ALMOST 1/6th of my goal weight loss. If I lose about 10 more pounds, I will have lost 10% of my body weight! That is my next foreseeable goal. I feel like if I try to set smaller goals, the total weight will not seem so daunting. Three lbs per week (like this week) is what I’m comfortable with, and it makes me feel good when I see that on the scale at the end of the week. Plus, I indulged a bit on Sunday after my mediocre weigh-in last week, and I think that reset my body or something. Obviously, I’m no weight genius, but that’s what I’m telling myself anyways.

This week I came across another new revelation. It seems as though everyone has sweet things or unhealthy things around every day. There was a potluck at work on Wednesday, someone baked cookies Tuesday, and we did a mindful eating exercise in class on Thursday in which everyone had to eat a Hershey’s kiss. I work with another girl who eats multiple chocolate bars per day while at work. The thing is, until recently I haven’t really felt anything when turning down an offer for garbage. This week, though, I don’t know if I’ve been more cranky or something, but I noticed that sometimes people want an excuse as to why you’re not eating the garbage they’re shoving in your face. For example, when my intern supervisor offered me a cookie, she put them right in my face (it was 10am), and was like, “Come on, they’re delicious!” I said no thanks, and she was like, “Oh, you dont like to eat other people’s food, or what?” What I wanted to say was, “It’s none of your fucking business,” but instead I just tried to be polite and say, “If I eat sweet things in the morning it makes my stomach hurt.” That isn’t a complete lie, but honestly, that’s only if it’s like before 7am, and my stomach hurts because my body does not want to be awake that early.

The truth is, I don’t think it’s anyone’s business if I’m trying to eat healthy or not, and frankly, I shouldn’t have to justify turning down a food offer. I think the real problem is that I’m self conscious about being fat, and I feel like they’re saying, “Obviously you eat a ton, so why are you turning down one more pile of calories”. This is probably not what they are saying, and in fact, some might even push crappy food on others to help themselves justify eating that crap, but because I’m not comfortable with my size, I internalize their projections. As a studying counselor, I am able to identify such coping mechanisms and defense mechanisms, but that doesn’t always make it easier to stop engaging in them. Maybe its a nice reminder that change isn’t easy.

In other news, Jared is in LA with one of his friends (Derek) for the weekend. I’m having these weird feelings, as if I’m jealous of his relationship with Derek right now. He’s been hanging out over at his house like 5-6 times a week, which is fine, but even on the days I’m home, he’s been going over there and leaving me alone. It’s not as though I don’t need my alone time, but some nights I just feel like I’m not really a priority. For example, on Sunday (my only day off all week), Jared left to go sit on Derek’s couch and watch some crappy basketball game that he doesn’t even care about, instead of staying home with me. It scares me partly because he has a history of using drugs, and he can get away with it there (Derek totally enables him), but also partially because it makes me feel like he doesn’t WANT to hang out with me. I probably talked about this before, but sometimes it makes me wonder if he wishes he were newly single like Derek is, because Derek was just dumped by his 3+ year live-in girlfriend (mainly because of drug use). Lots of this is too personal for most of the world to read, but this is something that ties into my weight – my irrational low self-worth at times. Lots of things are amazing in my marriage, but just the past few weeks have been hard on me, and its magnified this weekend because he’s gone for four days with Derek.

If I were the younger, game-playing me, I’d go out and flirt with a guy and then subtly talk about it in conversation to make Jared jealous. I’m not that girl anymore, but I’m trying to figure out how to be assertive about my feelings without sounding too whiny. The last thing I want to do is be a baby, because I know that will only push him away more. Nobody wants to hang out with a cranky, whiny, bratty baby. Ugh. I’ll have to check-in later this week to see what conclusion I come to about how I’ll handle this.

One more random topic – today was the beginning of W5 C25k workouts. Today I did 3 sets of 5 minutes, separated by 3min of walking. This is the week that things start getting crazy, as Monday Ill do two sets of 8 min separated by 5 min walking, and then Wednesday I’ll do 20 MINUTES OF JOGGING. AHHHHHHHHH. Today was so tough that I’m really anxious about trying to go 20 minutes straight on Wednesday. I just feel like there’s no way it’s going to happen. Today was tough, and I’m not sure if its because I only had a yogurt and Special K shake this morning before jogging (ate at 9-10am and ran at 2:30pm), or if I’m still sore from crossfit on Thursday. I definitely know I’m still sore from that, but I don’t know if that affected my performance or not. I’m gonna try to eat more energizing foods Monday before my run to see if that helps. Stretching after running has been helping me a lot, and I wish I would have after my crossfit on Thursday. I’m definitely paying for that now.

Oh well! Hoping to keep it together and keep hanging in there! Only 4 weeks of school left! Crunch time! What I NEED to do is keep getting exercise and eating healthy!! So glad I’ve been doing this a while so it’s not just a random, tough time to start.

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“Cross fit training”

So, because I’m a pinterest hound (and now also weight loss blogs too), I’ve been seeing lots of posts about “cross fit”. At first I thought it was another program like P90X, but the more I look, the more it seems to be referring to exercises that don’t necessarily require any machines, but are geared toward strength training. I could be totally wrong. BUT, for the purpose of this post, that is what I’m going to be referring to when I say “cross fit” things.

Today, during my ULTRA boring biological psychology class, I was debating what workout I would do in between that class and my other one. I have 3 hours to kill between the two, and I’ve been trying to hit the gym in that time. Fortunately, my bio class is IN our campus gym, so I don’t have to work too hard to get motivated. Because I’m still uncomfortable with my body though, I usually wait until I see all of my classmates leave before I actually go into the weight room or up to the track. Who am I kidding, I usually go to the track, because I run into the same self-esteem things in the weight room. Not only do I feel as though I don’t belong, I also hate when people watch me work out, and in the weight room there are always people just standing around shooting the shit. In my mind I imagine these people standing around and making fun of the fat people in there trying to get ‘skinny’ or whatever. SO, instead of sticking around, I grabbed a yoga mat and went up to the track where I knew I could set up kinda off to the side and do some circuit stuff, what I’ve come to understand is newly called ‘cross fit’.

I could have just done an extra C25k workout this week, but my knee has been bothering me (the one I previously had surgery on), and I knew that an extra day of running might ultimately cause more problems than benefits. I also know that when I was in physical therapy, they told me that when my knee is hurting, its usually because that leg is weaker, and there is more strain on it. So, I decided to do some exercises that are low impact, that will also help to strengthen my legs, therefore helping me in several different ways. I’d just like to say that I thought this workout would be easier than just running. BOY was I wrong (I’m finding that a lot the more I blog). It turns out, this might have actually been harder than running.

My plan was to do three sets of the following: 30 second plank, 30 second bridge, 10 push-ups, 15 lunges, and 10 squats with weights in hand. When I was younger and going to aerobics a lot, I learned that it isn’t very healthy to be standing up and laying back down when your heart rate is high, so I figured I’d bunch my laying-down exercises together so that I only had to get up and down once for each set of reps. I did 30 second rests in between each, and by the last set, I completed the planks and bridge, and just couldn’t get myself to do the lunges. My legs were exhausted, I was breathing really heavy, and I just felt all together beat. I couldn’t believe it! I’m thinking that when I try this again (because now I know I need it), I’m gonna try to do 60 seconds of rest between each set, and that way maybe it will be a little easier. Having a workout regimen that I can’t physically do is not going to keep me motivated. SO, I’m gonna try to do this little crossfit thing at least twice a week from now on. If you add it up, its really only like 22 minutes long, so it shouldn’t be too hard to fit in. I’m thinking I’ll try to do it Sunday’s and Thursdays. This way, I can maintain my Saturday, Monday, Wednesday runs, and still be getting some strength stuff in on the other days. I like that it focuses on my core too. I originally planned to do a plank challenge, but to be honest, I kinda forgot about it, so I hope that if I commit to doing this two other days, it will help me to build that core strength while also counting as a ‘full workout,’ instead of just hoping that I’d fit in my two minutes somewhere in the day.

After I worked out today, I stayed on my yoga mat and used my ‘Guided Mind’ app to walk me through a meditation. I’m taking a mindfulness class right now that has really helped me to change my life. One day I felt stressed and downloaded this guided imagery/meditation app, and today was the second time I used it. The one I chose was short – like only 5 minutes long, but it seemed to work perfectly to just help me focus my attention on my breathing and muscles.

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This is something they do at the end of every yoga class, and its supposed to be one of the most important portions of the whole class. SO, I’m hoping I can try to do one at the end of every cross fit day, and hopefully if I see that I like it, also do it other times too.

In totally non-health related news, when I got up this morning, I spent a little time doing some things around the house before I headed to class. Although it isn’t too warm outside, my apartment was nice and toasty because Jared called and yelled at our landlord for our heat being broken… soo now we have heat!

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You can see Yoli is quite happy about the heat. She likes to lay in the sunny spot by our sliding glass door, and get so warm that she pants. Its cute that when she’s panting she looks like she’s smiling. With her eyes closed, she looks extra happy! It’s the little things….

Happy Wednesday!

I did my third workout of the week today. Here I am getting ready to change back into my buisness casual attire afterwards!

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The weather was pretty nice until it started raining… then it was perfect! The summer I met Jared, it rained nearly every day. This is weird in Clarion, as the first 5 years I lived there, the drought was so bad that we ran out of water at least once a week. SO, a summer full of rain was weird, but not as weird as the stuff that we did that summer. Instead of being cooped up inside all of the time, we would go for walks or drives, or spend time down by the river. Our favorite place to walk to was the cemetery up the road from his house – no matter how weird this is, it was really peaceful and dark so we could see the stars really clearly (when it wasn’t raining). We would bring beer nearly everywhere, and just sit and drink and talk about everything – seriously, everything. Religion, music, life, whatever. We just talked and talked until the sun came up.

Naturally, I have really fond memories of our first summer together. It was a true summer love – the kind that changes your life. We had plenty of fights and break-ups over stupid things between then and the time we got married, but every time I feel, hear, or even smell the rain, I think of him fondly and remember all the reasons that I started loving him. Its pretty cool. I have a special reminder pretty frequently about how special our relationship is. I’m not any kind of marriage professional or anything, but for me, it helps to embrace the small things so that I can keep the gratitude going. The last thing I want to do is take Jared for granted and lose him. Because I work in counseling, I’m aware that that is a VERY common problem that is usually the beginning of the end.

Anyways, enough about our relationship. Spring break is over and I’m trying to get back into the swing of school. I’m feeling pretty whooped. My legs are tired and sore from this week, and I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I’ve been continuing on my calorie counting very well, and I haven’t been feeling overly hungry or uncomfortable, but I do feel my energy levels struggling. I’m thinking of upping my calories on my longer days. For example, today I’ve only had 1220 calories, and I feel great. Yesterday, I ended the day at 1330 calories, and although I wasn’t hungry, I was so so SO tired. I need to try to eat more fruits and veggies to keep my energy levels up on the days I don’t get much sleep. I have been eating like a bag of steamables broccoli each day I work, which counts for like three servings of veggies, but I know I can do better than that. I’m definitely looking forward to fruit season coming back around. As for other stuff, not too much happening in my life. Just counting the weeks until I’m done with school (4 official weeks left).

Tired Tuesday

Happy Tired Tuesday! Today I was extra tired. Our heater broke in our apartment again yesterday, and so when I woke up this morning, it was about 50 degrees in my room. This wouldn’t have been horrible, but when I went to take a hot shower to defrost, I found that someone used all of the hot water… and so I stood in a freezing shower, in a freezing room. It was awful. I also normally chat with my mom on the way to my internship, but because she is on spring break, our times haven’t been matching up. SO, my day was off to a horrible start. Fortunately, it turned around at about 12:30 when I got to take a nap and recuperate between internship and work. When I got home at 12:30, I found Jared cleaning the living room, with the dishes already done, and the laundry in the dryer. It was awesome. Not only did I get a nap… my apartment is clean and I owe it all to my hubby! Being tired isn’t so crappy when there’s someone at home taking care of you

Yesterday was W4, D2 of C25k. It was not nearly as awful as the first day! I’m surprising myself every time I go out because I think that every time I step up, I wont be able to do it… but I can! It’s very exciting. Being able to keep up with it each week is making me feel excited to go out the next time, which is something that I haven’t experienced in a really long time. Next week, things start to get a little crazy – I saw that it starts easier for the first day, and gets a little harder each week day after that. I’m interested to see how that goes. It says I should be able to jog 20 minutes by the end of next week, and right now I feel like that isn’t probable, but because the program has been right so far, I’m just going to trust the process!

This is something I’ve been trying to do since my last weigh-in. Last week I was eating like 300 fewer calories daily and then ended up with less weight loss than before.. I was pretty disappointed Saturday, so I’m hoping that if I just trust the process, all will work out. I’ve read in the past that switching things up can sometimes keep your body guessing. So, Sunday, Jared and I went out to eat at Applebee’s and I had a pretty hearty meal. I didn’t order mashed potatoes, instead I had a double side of veggies, so I probably didn’t actually have too many calories, but I’m hoping that by indulging a little bit, my body will jump-start and get back to the pattern of weight loss I had going in the 3.5 weeks before that.

Today is 35 days clean. They say it takes 30 days to make something a habit. Now that I’ve made it that long, I’m hoping that this ‘habit’ will continue for a looong time. 

 

St. Patty’s Weekend!

Saturday weigh in day…. AND St Patty’s weekend. Add those two together and what do you get? Only 1.8lbs lost this week. I would love to blame it on St. Patty’s but truth is, I’m not exactly sure what happened. I’m not too upset, because I’ve read that 1-2 lbs per week is actually healthy, but I really haven’t been eating as much as usual, so I’m a little surprised. Plus, week 3 in C25k was a little tougher than other weeks, and I’ve heard that when you begin exercising, you may see a plateau in weight loss because of your muscles retaining water. Regardless, progress is progress, so Ill take it.

Today I did Week 4, Day 1 on C25k program. HOLY SHIT, it was hard. I said earlier this week that I had looked ahead and was feeling some anxiety… well that continued for a few days and then finally today was the day that I had to step up. Although there were a few times that I was sure that I couldn’t keep going, I somehow did. I was going reeeally slow, but I was going! I’m really proud of myself. I had no idea that I could do that. I know that I’ve been feeling excited each week as the run gets easier, but I had no idea that I’d be able to keep going for two separate 5 minute segments. If you would have told me that a month ago, I would have laughed out loud. I probably say that every week, but this week should have more emphasis.

On another note…  its St Patty’s weekend! Yay! I’m heading up to my home town today to go out with one of my closest girlfriends (the one who visited on Tuesday). St. Patty’s is my second favorite holiday of the year, so it’s only natural that I am going out to celebrate! Aaaand doing so in my favorite bar in Clarion.. Toby! It’s also Toby Bar’s birthday (6 years old), so its like a double-whammy. Yay! Much to be happy about!

ImageThat’s the shirt that I made for the occasion! I have prob made like 50 home-made t shirts in my lifetime, but they’re so fun and easy that I can’t help it. I’m a little excited about wearing it for two reasons: I love beer, and it’s a size XL and it fits! I’ve been wearing 2XL for the last six months or year, so fitting into this is a pretty exciting thing for me! I know that 16lbs isn’t a lot at my weight, but if it is enough to help me feel good in a shirt that I had contemplated throwing away not 2 months ago. A mens XL is still not my goal size, but it reminds me that I’m not working hard for no reason! Its nice to have these little reminders every once in a while… especially because I lost about half as much weight this week as I had in the previous 3. Nonetheless, I’m at about 1/8th of my goal right now. That’s awesome!

On that note, I’m gonna jump in the car and head out. Thank goodness I have an awesome little brother who will DD for me tonight! It’s so easy to let loose when there is no fear of needing to drive home 😉

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Spring taking a break?

Well, it’s Wednesday!

Spring break took an interesting turn today when the rain decided to turn to a blizzard with a wind chill of 3 degrees. The most interesting thing is that despite this, I still forced myself to brave the weather and do my third C25k workout of the week. I was planning to run four days this week, but a girlfriend happened to be in Pittsburgh yesterday so we met for a walk on my dinner break at work.  I was happy that the weather was nice, but we only ended up walking about a mile. I didn’t feel too bad though because I took the dogs for a 1.5 mile walk up my giant apartment hill so I figure when you add the two together, it makes for a fairly productive ‘rest’ day. Anyways, because of that, I knew I had to get my third workout in either today or tomorrow, and while at work tonight, I decided to take the plunge… or the freeze?

The workout was actually pretty horrible. The one side of the track (of course the side with the hill) was basically a wind chute, so I was running up hill against like 20mph icy wind. Not my best day. Fortunately, I did end up going my normal distance, so it wasn’t a total bust. I also was fumbling with my scarf for the first 3minute cycle of jogging, so I was distracted and didn’t notice that my legs were tired. That was kind of nice… and probably not good.

I also made a big mistake – I looked ahead to what next week looks like, and I have been kinda anxious ever since. I was expecting that it would go from two 90 second and two 3 minute portions (with matching walking time) to three 3 minute portions with equal walking time. Instead it goes something like 3 min jogging, 90 sec walking, 5 min jogging, 2.5 min walking, repeat twice. The three minute portions were hard this week, so I know the five minutes will be really hard! I also know that without the recuperating walking time in between I’m gonna be struggling. Now I feel like I want to get time in the gym tomorrow so that I can get a fourth workout in this week, to hopefully prepare for next weeks nightmare. I’m gonna try to get on campus tomorrow to do that and maybe lift. We’ll have to see how sleepy I am after working and interning all day today.

Back to the core exercises that I talked about earlier this week. I was on pinterest again (yeah, probably a cross-addiction) at work today, and found a list of good core exercises that I can incorporate into my every day activities that don’t involve any kind of special equipment or anything. I made myself a little schedule that I think will take about 10 or fewer minutes every day, just to keep myself engaged in core stuff so that it helps my overall posture, health, etc. I’ve never really done ab workouts in the past unless they were a part of what my coach was making us do (in high school sports), because I read a long time ago that you’ll never gain abs through core workouts unless you are also dieting. This is probably a myth, and something that I could totally use as an excuse to avoid my core, but regardless, now I’m losing weight so it’s perfect time to be ready to work on my core.

Something kinda weird has been happening this week. I don’t know if its that I have been asleep for more hours and am therefore burning fewer calories and have less time to munch… or if I’m getting more used to the low number of calories… or what. BUT, I’ve had less than 1,400 calories every single day this week, even on days that I both interned and worked an 11 hour shift at work. Some days I was even right around 1,000 calories. I’m interested to see how this affects my weight at the end of the week for my weigh in.

Just Another Manic Monday…

Well, it’s Monday again. Something about being able to sleep in tomorrow has made today more bearable, but at 1:47 am (and 18 hours of being awake), I feel a crash coming on. Today is 27 days clean – nearly four weeks! I was pretty surprised to see that I’d lost 14 lbs as of this weekend, so at 4 weeks, and basically a month, I have lost about 15! That’s five more than expected, which reinforces the feelings that I’m doing something right.

Something kinda cool happened today; while I was driving, I realized that after four weeks, I finally don’t feel triggered in the car anymore! It’s almost hard to believe because that was my biggest problem area before, and now, I am more thirsty in the car, and not hungry/triggered to munch. The last few weeks have gone really fast, and I can’t believe that so much has changed.  In reality, not much has, but many of the things that I talked about the other day, especially mindset, are good feelings for me.

I went to the dog park with a girlfriend this weekend and our dogs got to play together. It was a blast. While we were there, she talked about her trials and tribulations with losing weight, and she said that she scheduled a 5k for like 2 weeks from now, but hasn’t run since early January. She is probably equally overweight, but often goes through spurts of dieting and not dieting. She told me about her experience eating ‘1200 calories a day and working out 5 times a week’ she said she got really discouraged when she only lost one pound… or even gained one or two. She tried for two weeks in January and gave up. As I was listening, I was thinking of how many times I’ve tried that, and felt the same discouragement. I feel like I’m in a groove now where I’m understanding my body more, and realizing that there are opportune times to weigh myself, to work out, to drink water, and do just about anything. In the last two weeks I’ve weighed myself after the two hardest days of the week and been disappointed… but then when I weigh in again on Saturday mornings, the ‘official’ days, I’m satisfied. I just tried to listen and be empathetic, because she needs to be ready to change for herself.  I’m still feeling confident, but I remember when I was in her shoes. Sometimes, no matter how silly they sound, it’s nice to hear others talk about their struggles because it reminds me where I’ve been, and how far I’ve come.

This is week 3 of my C25k workouts, and I must admit… I’ve been really sore! Saturday I ran with Ava, and although she normally likes to pull on the leash, by the end of the workout, I was dragging her haha. It was pretty funny. Today, I decided I wanted to push myself, because I’ve been feeling almost too comfortable after my workouts. I ran harder for the 90 second sets than I have for any others, and while I was running the 3 minute sets, I tried to get my mind focused on other things to push through. It actually worked pretty well! Afterwards, I did some planks and a few yoga exercises to stretch out my back. I know that I need to tighten my abs because my back is beginning to hurt while I run, and I know its because I’m not keeping my core tight. SO, that’s my next mission – incorporate core exercises into my routine.

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I found this silly workout plan on pinterest, but I figured its easy to access from my phone and if I try to do each of these twice a day (especially early on) it will be a quick way for me to get better! I want to do some other ab stuff, but we’ll have to see what fits in as I go.

Well, that’s about it for me. This is a pretty lame spring break, so I’m just trying to make the best of sleeping in, getting more experience at my internship… and spending time with my wonderful dogs.

Super Saturday

Today was another weigh-in day, and I’m at 25 days clean! (Still, sooo not used to the excitement about weigh-ins) I actually lost nearly the same amount this week as last week – 3.4lbs. This is 3 1/2 weeks for me, and surprisingly, I still feel really good about what I’ve been doing. Mondays and Tuesdays are still killers for me, but that should be over soon enough; only like 6 more weeks of school and then I won’t be killing myself (well, Ill still be doing like 60 hrs of work/week BUT I’ll be getting paid for all of it, and not just being a stupid intern… YAY).

This week is spring break for me, which means I’ll have a little more time for me (you know, like sleeping/working out/taking dogs to the park). I’m pretty excited about that. I’m still interning and working 40 hours, but without my 4 classes, that seems soo much more doable.

Tomorrow I’m meeting one of my girlfriends at a park in Cranberry with our dogs to play for a while. Ava, Yoli, and I went to the park yesterday at our apartment complex and they had a ball playing around in the mud.

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Look at those big brown eyes! Happy girl in this warm (muddy) weather.
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Curiosity caught on camera. Yoli with her little monkey toy that she LOVES to chase.

It was quite the hassle cleaning the mud out of my tub after the bath, but that’s the price you pay to see your babes having a good time.

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You can see how much Ava likes the water…and how much Yoli hates it.

We actually chased some other dogs out of the park… it wasn’t our fault tho! There are two dogs that go there pretty often, one is a Labrador-mastiff mix and the other is some kind of pitbull mix. The mastiff is usually pretty easy to get along with, but the pitbull is small and AGGRESSIVE. From the moment we arrive, all it does is bark and try to assert its dominance on my dogs. It’s kind of frustrating because the girl who brings the pitbull is pretty nice, but she doesn’t seem to have any control over that behavior. Sometimes she even seems mad when she has to leave, but its not my fault that her dog doesn’t get along with others. My dogs usually just crouch on the ground while her dog tries to nip at their ears or hump them… it’s so weird. It is really nice to not have to worry about mine hurting other dogs, though, because they are not dominant at all. That may be because I’m very dominant. Or they just have really good temperaments. Who knows.

ImageSo, this is an image I came across a VERY long time ago on pinterest. The funny thing is, when I pinned it, I was still in that precontemplative phase of change and knew that I wanted to get healthier, but any time I would ‘diet,’ I would give up after like 3 days because I didn’t lose 10lbs right away (a slight exaggeration, but not completely). Right now, I’m at 3 1/2 weeks of my lifestyle change, and I’m not convinced I see physical changes. I know there are some emotional and energy level changes that are undeniable. I also know that I’m not out of breath as often when hustling up a hill to get to class (or wherever), so I know that I’m slowly getting my heart into better shape too.

I think my mindset is the biggest change that I’ve seen. After 3 1/2 weeks, I’m feeling proud of myself, but also still determined. In the past, I was under the impression that I could diet for a month, lose 50lbs, and then be able to go back to what I was already doing, which was eating fast food at least once a day, and never exercising. I would even avoid exercising because I knew it would make me more hungry. Now, I feel icky when I DON’T do some kind of exercise, even if it is just squats or planks or something. At this point, I’ve lost 14lbs, and I feel soo good about myself for saying I want to do something, and then DOING it. Some days it isn’t very hard, and others it is REALLY hard. Last Sunday, I went to dinner with some friends and reallllly wanted to order a big, greasy sandwich. Instead I had a steak salad and picked around the french fries. Yesterday, I went out for drinks with a girlfriend, and instead of binging on McDonalds on the way home, I ate a cheese stick before bed with a big glass of water. I knew I wasn’t hungry, but one of my old habits (and now a trigger), is driving home after drinking a little, and stopping to gorge on fast food. When I’m with someone, like Jared, its much easier to not do this, but when I’m alone, that little sneaky voice in my head says “nobody will know… just do it!” Last night I was able to ‘play the whole tape,’ and think through how I’d feel today if I had. I wouldn’t be able to check-in with 25 days clean… the scale would probably reflect the food (at least somewhat), and I would be feeling crappy. That might make me not feel motivated today and blah, blah, blah. Playing the tape really helped me deal with the trigger. Its amazing how strong I’ve become in such a short time. I want to keep this momentum going, and use it on my run today.

C25k week 3, day 1 is coming up soon (on my lunch break from work). Right now I’m eating some Healthy Choice tortellini cooked with veggies. It is surprisingly good, especially because I didn’t think I liked zucchini or cooked carrots. I’m learning new stuff about myself every day 🙂

Here’s to another week! Cheeeeers to spring break… and a break in the weather FINALLY!

14lbs

Three weeks?

Today is officially the 3 week mark of my new lifestyle – in reality, I’m counting 22 days, 3 weeks ago today was my first day counting calories. Unfortunately, I made the same mistake last night as I did last Tuesday, and I weighed myself when I went home. Tired Tuesdays are killers for me, so when its slow at work and I’m tired, I end up munching endlessly.  Last night, I actually consumed 1,800 calories, which is more than I have on any week day in the last two weeks. I didn’t exercise, and I went home feeling tired and bloated. The scale showed that I was 6lbs heavier than when I weighed myself Saturday morning, which isn’t a total surprise, but it was definitely defeating. I know that water weight can fluctuate a lot and there is a difference between weight in the morning and evening, but I felt pretty crappy after being up for 20 hours and not having anything to show for my hard work.

Last week, I felt the same way, and then Saturday I had a pleasant surprise on the scale. SO, today I’ve been holding on to that as motivation, and felt good during my run.  I also recently figured out how far that I’ve been going on my runs, which is about 1.5 miles.  Because of the way the C25k thing is designed, I walk and jog on and off for 9 minutes and 12 minutes respectively (for week 2). There is also a warm up and cool down for 5 minutes each, so in 31 minutes, I only go about 1.5 miles. Its kind of embarrassing when I put it in those terms, but I’m trying to keep positive and recognize that in like 7 more weeks, Ill be able to go the same amount of time and around twice as far.  By holding on to that thought, I made it through my run with flying colors today. Saturday I thought it was SO hard, and today it was bearable… even in the 25 degree weather. This is the third day this week that I’ve done it, and I plan to go again tomorrow, even tho C25k only requires three days per week. If you would have told me a month ago that I’d be running 4 days a week now, I probably would have laughed in your face.

On another, more personal note, Jared brought up the idea of babies today. He very seriously told me this morning that he thinks we should consider getting pregnant in the near future. AHHH. We had a really calm conversation about it, even though I thought he was being irrational and was freaking out inside. First of all, I don’t feel like I’m healthy enough to get pregnant right now. My body probably could, but I REFUSE to be one of those women with gestational diabetes… and possibly full blown Type 2 after the baby. I also don’t feel like we’re in the financial place for that. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment, we spend our money on stupid shit (BOTH of us), and I currently have one day off a week. WHEN am I supposed to take care of the baby? Where is it supposed to sleep? How are we supposed to get another place or buy a house when we don’t make much money, and we have no savings? I just have so many questions… and Jared does not have any long-term planning capabilities. We made a goal like 5 weeks ago that if he worked ONE shift of over time per week (he either has 3 days off or 4.. every week), I would say that we could combine our money to have a joint account. This is the third week that he didn’t do it. It’s so annoying to me, because HE is the one that wants to combine our money, but HE isn’t working for it at all. I don’t care that I make more money than him, but I DO care that I work harder. Sometimes it seems like its all about instant gratification for him… which is probably where this baby thing is coming from. He wants one today… but he’ll get over it by next week.

I can’t say that I haven’t been thinking about it, though. I mean, that is part of this whole process for me. I want to have kids in the next couple of years, and this is the time for me to get healthy and plan for that stuff. I need to get my finances in order, as well as my health. Yikes. Babies are a scary topic for me. I much prefer dogs….