Well. I haven’t posted in a whole week, which is very unusual for me. Work has been totally crazy (and horrible), and I only have 3 weeks of school, so projects are due weekly. Fortunately, despite all of this mayhem, I’ve been doing relatively well with my new habits. Although I only ran twice this week (I’m doing my third today), I did my official weigh-in today and was pleasantly surprised to see 3.4 more lbs gone! I’m now at 22.4lbs lost! This is so exciting, as I was hoping to be under 260 this week. For some reason, seeing my weight at the next lower level of 10’s (50’s instead of 60’s), is really satisfying. Plus, my goal is to lose 120 lbs total, and that means that from now, I have fewer than 100 more pounds to lose.
I’ve been talking to Jared more and more about my weight loss, but I’ve never actually told him how much I was weighing in the first place. I’m really embarrassed about my number, and even though its clear that I am fat, I don’t think he realizes just how high my number is. Its extra frustrating when he’ll say something like, “I weighed myself today and I’m up to 172, I’m such a fatass!” He has no idea how hurtful this can be for me, especially because I had weighed over a hundred pounds more than him for quite some time now. BUT, now that I don’t weigh more than 100 lbs more than him, its going to be that much easier for me to ignore him when he says it.
Speaking of Jared, last week I talked about feeling hurt that he was spending so much time with Derek and not me. Well, he came home from LA Tuesday (his flight got cancelled Monday – this is the reason I didn’t run – I had to take care of the dogs on my break), and ever since then he has been doing everything in his power to please me. I’m glad that I didn’t allow myself to get too vulnerable while he was gone, as playing games just a little seemed to have worked! He has been spending time with me and texting me sweet things all week. It’s really nice to have my husband back. I expect he will spend some more time away next week, but it was really great that he made the effort to take care of me this week, especially since everything was so crappy.
Now, I try not to get too personal about work and internship, but because I’ve been experiencing SOO much anxiety this week, I have to vent a little. Things at work have been horrible. I got yelled at in a meeting a couple weeks ago, and then this week, after our ‘team meeting,’ my boss made me meet with her for like two hours to basically get dirt on everyone else. This isn’t really what I’m all about. I just want to be treated like everyone else, I don’t want to out them so that they can be treated badly, I just want to point out that I’m not being treated the same so my boss will lay off me a bit. I graduate from GRAD SCHOOL in three weeks, does it seem like I need this stress added right now? NO! Ahhhhhhhhhh.
I know that there are several things I need to do over the next few weeks. One of which, is continue to eat healthy and WORK OUT. This week I only jogged twice, so I need to make sure I get back to at least 3 times per week starting today. I am hoping to do four this week, just to make up for that one. The second thing, is that I need to get organized for school. I have a rough idea of when things are due in the near future, but if I put them down on a sticky note or in my phone so I can see them (and cross them off), I will have a much more concrete idea of how well I’m keeping up with things. I also know that I need to take some time for myself. Something I love to do is take the dogs to the park and see them play happily, so I’m gonna try to do that at least three times each week too. Of course, sleeping is a big part of self-care too, but I don’t have a ton of time for that. Because of the anxiety, I’ve been trying to meditate this week too, which works until I get to work. I actually went home early on Wednesday because I was so anxious. BTW, I’d never felt anxiety until I started this mindfulness class. Ugh.
Today I’m doing C25K W5D3, which means 20 mins of running straight. I really don’t have much confidence in myself for a run that long. I talked to Jared about it the other night, and he told me that as long as I stick with the motion of running, I can do it, no matter how slow I’m going. I’m gonna try to hold on to that thought and listen to some music that really engulfs me. Sometimes when I get caught up in lyrics, I have an easier time getting distracted from how much my legs scream haa. Anyways. I’m gonna try to post a couple of times this week, depending on how work goes, so if I do, Ill definitely give an update on how today’s work out went.