This is a wonderful week 🙂
I started off with a great run yesterday, I have pretty much all my work done for school, and I have a great weekend to look forward to! Today I’ve been feeling very ‘bingey’ as I would call it, but I’ve done an amazing job handling my emotions and emotional eating. I had a really tough morning at my internship, and on the way home I was feeling really really triggered. It took just about everything I had to avoid stopping at McDonalds and just eat my feelings, but I did it! I made a deal with myself that if I ate more than 1,400 calories today and none of them were from a fast-food place, then I would forgive myself. Well, as it turns out, I haven’t eaten more than that even though I’ve been so weirdly hungry, and I’m feeling really empowered because of it. For the longest time I thought that if I got hungry, I’d be in really dangerous territory and I would just eat a whole mountain of food. At times, this has happened, but in the past, I was just as likely to binge when I was starving as I was when I wasn’t even slightly hungry. It was often just a routine, so whether it was a specific route on the road or leaving a certain place, it was something I got used to doing whether I was hungry or not. The other times I overate was when things weren’t going my way. So, if I was exhausted, if I got in a fight with someone, or if I just was feeling bad, I was waay overeating. Even though I think of myself as happy over the past several years, I definitely self-soothed with food when I thought something was sucky, which suggests I wasn’t as happy as I thought I was. This suggestion makes sense except sometimes I would eat just to celebrate something… Its all a crapshoot. I’m just glad that I’m getting much better at managing it all.
Today I weighed myself (impromptu weigh-in that I’m not actually counting) and I’ve officially passed the 30lbs-lost mark. Two months and 30 lbs feels like a real lifestyle change, and although it is probably too early to say that, I’m happy that it feels true! I hope that people start noticing sometime soon, because I can definitely tell in my clothes now. Most of them fit the way they are supposed to or are too big now, which is much different than how it was 30lbs ago. Yes, I was wearing pants that were too small, but now they are right around the right size, and definitely much more comfortable. Its nice that I look forward to washing my pants because I know they will fit BETTER when they shrink a little in the dryer, and before I was avoiding drying them because I didn’t want them to be too small. Right now I’m trying to figure out what I’ll wear to visit my in-laws this weekend, because I like to look cute while I’m there, but they’re all teeny-tiny, so I don’t like to wear anything too tight that makes me feel too big and chubby. I’ll have to see what feels good on Friday, especially after my period is officially over and I’m no longer bloated. Like I said, I’m looking forward to the end of this week. 🙂