Powerlessness 

I’ve been especially cranky lately. I’ve spent the last week trying to figure it out and I feel like I have a bunch of dead ends or possibilities. The other day I assumed that it was the food I ate over Christmas and gave it all my power. Today, I’m feeling like it might be the job transition, it’s still a power thing but in a different way.

Changes are hard on people. The hardest thing about switching jobs is having absolutely no control over anything. Like, I don’t even know what the fuck hours I’ll be working all week, and next week, and the week after…. I don’t have any control or even any idea what to expect. It’s so frustrating and somehow it carries over into my evening. 

Today for example, I left at 3 instead of four or five like I expected. It was good, cuz I could go run before I got Felix and it went really well except for my phone shutting off in the middle and not recording how far I went. But I calculated it and it was 3.4 miles in 50 minutes! This is my first 3+ and it didn’t fucking record… That’s my week. 😡

So even the stuff I feel I have control over I don’t. I want to eat dinner when I want but I can’t because Felix is whining. I want to run when I want but my job is unpredictable and the weather sucks. Grrrrrr. Okay rant over. 

The run went well despite my phone dying and I felt like I could have gone on forever, which is how I remember it being last year when I was running a lot. I had to talk myself into going because it was longer than usual and my thought process was “who wants to run for 50 minutes?” Haha. But it was awesome and slow and manageable and everything that an easy long run should be. 

 Here’s my favorite recent picture of Felix and I to remind me how cute he is even though I wanted to eat my dinner instead of doing what he wanted to do. He’s the boss. And I love him. 

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One thought on “Powerlessness 

  1. I’m sorry you’re having a tough week, but great run! You should be proud! It’s okay it didn’t record, but I’d be disappointed too! Hope you settle into set hours to help you get a routine going!

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