Monthly Archives: March 2018

Negative self talk

I made a crappy decision this morning to creep on the 2017 results of the half marathon I’m about to do next week. When I’m racing, I feel really good and proud of what I’m doing, but when I look at the results and I’m last out of a lot of people, it kinda eats at me. Like, I know I’m not fast and I’m not even a middle of the pack runner, but I don’t see my speed improving much and I’ll NEVER be as fast as these other people (sub-2:00 half? HA) so some of my self talk right now is just telling me “WHY BOTHER?”

Part of the reason I do this is that I reeeally don’t want to get last place. I know that’ll totally kill my mojo and I don’t want to see that happen. So if it’s a tiny race and there aren’t any other poky people, it’s usually not the race for me. However, this one is fairly big so there are some that’ll PROBABLY finish after me.

I recognize this is not helpful thinking and I want to cut it out… but it’s there in the back of my mind. Today I’m running 10 miles and actually looking forward to it, so I need to remember that feeling when I’m thinking about the negative stuff.

Perfect reframe: I may be slow, but 2 years ago I almost quit when couch to 5k had me running 3 minutes at a time… now I’m talking about 2 hours and looking forward to it! I’m slow, but I’m strong.

If I dropped these other 40 lbs I’m carrying around I’d prob be a bit faster…

This week I’m down 1.2 more so I’m on my way! It’d be cool to lose 40 more but I’m thinking losing 20 more would put me at my college weight and I think I was pretty confident then so I’d take it as a stepping stone. Even just under 200 would be a mega milestone. But I’m not rushing it and I’m doing it the way I should so the weight stays off… little by little.

I’m such a math person it’s embarrassing (because I went into a career avoiding math) but I’m constantly thinking about “if I do such-and-such for ‘this’ amount of time then THAT will happen…” This goes for while I’m running, how long until I lose a certain amount of weight, etc. It gives me goals and things to think about while I’m trying to get shit done.

I know this has been an odd rambling post but I just have a lot in this big head of mine lol


A 10k PR

I had an awesome weekend! I had the St Patrick’s 10k in Erie this weekend and had a great time (pun intended 🙃)

I know my times aren’t fast as far as other runners are concerned but I’m so proud of how far I’ve come! Anything under 11:00 minute miles are worth celebration, so if I have negative splits and the last ones are in the low 9’s… well now we’re talkin! My time was 1:03:54 I think, which I’ll take! I mostly wanted to beat my time in November, which was 1:06 something so I killed it!

I have another half marathon in two weeks so I’m just trying to keep up the training and good vibes. I did 11 miles the weekend before my race, so I’m sure I can do the 13, but I haven’t decided how far I’ll go this weekend. I want to be well rested but I also want to be prepared. Today I did 4.5 which is great for a week day! Usually I only have time for 2.5-3.5 so it’s always nice to take advantage when I have an extra half hour.

I also had a good weigh in on Friday.

Another 1.4 down this week. I’m so dying to be under 200. I feel like every time I say that though, I lose my mojo and go backwards. If I stick with losing 1lb per week, in two months I’ll be where I want to be. And who knows, I may even keep going!

I’ve been trying to stay within my food limits on the Fitbit app and that seems to be working so I’m gonna try to keep consistent with that. Other than that, just trying to keep my head above water with mom life haha.


Feeling munchie right now. I did well this weekend and have had a good 7 days, but there are some cravings tonight.

I assume they’re related to anxiety over an interview I have tomorrow. I want it to go well, and when I’m struggling with something, I wanna eat. No bueno.

I had a decent quick run after work that felt really good! I talked to my dad while I ran which was surprising at that pace! Nice to see a low 11’s pace for the first time in a while. Gonna do a 10k in two weeks and I’m hoping to beat my last one but that’ll be tough since I had a damn good race that time! Gotta keep werk werk werk werk werkin.

Hump day!

Today was a good day! I had court twice, and in between I really wanted to go get Mexican, but instead I went to the park and talked to my mom on the phone while I walked.

My food cravings weren’t too bad today and I stuck right around 1,300 calories for the day.

I also did the abs and arms workouts from yesterday and found I’m pretty sore!

More hopeful each day. Now I just need to remember all of this on the weekend when the trouble starts as it usually does.

Lets get rid of that!!!