My story

So. I’ve been listening to podcasts a ton lately. Like in a crazy obsessive way. And every time someone shares their story there seems to be some crazy thing that causes the weight gain. I almost feel guilty that I don’t have a ‘thing;’ as if that makes me less than someone else.

Here are my irrational and negative thoughts. It’s like I don’t deserve to be successful because I failed in the first place for no reason – nobody died, nobody left me, nobody raped me… I just started obsessively eating fast food. Like literally OBSESSED with it.

But why?

I talked to my brother about it this weekend and he’s had the same experience. What is it with fast food being like crack? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised but it just makes me so angry at them.

Anyways, so I’m listening to the same 300 pounds and running podcast that has like many episodes but they all have the same format – how did you gain weight in the first place, what was your ‘aha moment,’ what products changed your life, what would you say to someone who DNF their first race, etc – and I always get choked up at the reason for gaining part. Some people just happened to gain in college, but usually not.

I’m just a girl who is fat. Now I’m a fat girl who is trying to keep it together who weighs slightly less (okay 80lbs)…

Why is it so hard to be proud of my story and just own it? I turned my life around for my family and that is something. I’ve kept it that way for a year and that is something. I have run two half marathons and that is something.

My something is as much as other people’s somethings…. just keep saying that Jess.

Speedwork intervals – overall pace isn’t impressive but that’s with a 5 minute walk in and walk out so I’ll take it. All 7 intervals were at 8-something pace. Woo! I am enough. I am enough. I. Am. Enough.

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