A long run! Yay!

Needed so badly to get some exercise so that I can be a human being again and not some kind of scary monster. I set out for “at least 4” because my running game has been limited lately and I really didn’t know if I could do more than that. At mile 3 I took a turn on to my favorite back road where I do my long runs, knowing that if I did that, id be doing a minimum of 6 miles. I successfully completed 7 and felt like I could keep going if there weren’t time constraints. And finally I am me again! Now I can have patience to be a mom and not a momster ­čśł


Back to school and schedule complications 

Half of my job involves doing school-based therapy, which means the school year staring is a big thing for me! I have only run about twice per week since my PR a MONTH ago so I really want to get back on track immediately if not sooner. 

I learned how to put my times on a picture today so I chose this pic from a few weeks ago since I ran with the stroller today and these two brutes are getting heavy! It was a slow and painful run that I really wasnt sure I could do. I set out for “at least 30 minutes no matter how slow.” At 30 minutes I knew I could make it to 3 miles so I did. At about 10 minutes my mind was trying to trick me and tell me that running is boring and there’s no reason to do it that long. 

I have a 5k leg of a triathlon relay next week so we can’t have that! 


There’s the damage. Not too shabby actually. Only about 6 lbs over my lowest weight and within the realm of my last 3 months of struggle haha. Funny how that works out. 

Anyways, longish run planned tomorrow. Shooting for 6 miles and will go from there. That’ll make me feel like I’m still me and not totally lost in the old cycles that were me in the past. 

Let’s hope for a decent weekend!

Two weeks of living free

Okay so about 1.5 weeks before vacation I fell way off the wagon and went bananas. I had a hard time with the neighbors death after also just eating crap for no reason. BUT. 

I’m staying alive. I spent 5 days in southern San Diego with my fam and my fam’s fam. I ate whatever I wanted, swam in the ocean, and even got a 3 mile run in with my brother. 

I will weigh myself tomorrow morning and have a better idea of the damage, but I’m assuming 7-10lbs, some of which is water weight. 

It’s been hard getting back on the wagon because I’m having a ton of cravings. It’s just an unfortunate realization that I don’t think I’ll ever just be able to “eat like normal people.” I have such a hard time with intuitive eating and being all or nothing. If I’m not eating healthy, I’m eating alllllllllll the food. No moderation.

 It is like AA. 1 is too many and 1000 is never enough. It’s just so much more complicated with food because you can’t NOT eat. You can just live without alcohol but you can’t live without food. Ugh. 

I’m working on acceptance but it’s hard. For right now it’s just getting over the hump of severe cravings and desires to binge. 


My neighbor’s 18-year-old son died last night in a car accident. I’m in shock and extremely sad. Although he and I aren’t close, it brings up all kinds of counter transference; I don’t want to lose my kids young, I work with teens every day, and I can’t bear to see his mom and grandma hurting because I can picture my mom hurting so badly. 

I binged again today. I actually put on running clothes but couldn’t run. I instead ate. I just am numb and in shock. I know running is the right way of coping but I couldn’t today. 

Today I feel for them and for all the parents who lost their babies young – even at 18. 

Felt a binge coming on

The feeling started yesterday, but I did an okay job combatting it by eating food that really sounded good, but only a limited amount. Today, I had a breakfast that was an afterthought because we didn’t grocery shop during our busy weekend… and it was downhill from there. 

I also was trying to cut back on diet soda because the world all agrees that it is poison… but it’s zero calories and satisfying, and I think that played a role. 

The odd thing, is that I had hours to think about it and interrupt it, and the conclusion I repeatedly came to was “yeahhh but I really just wanna eat some shitty food.” I hope it was a temporary thing and not an indicator of something more. I did feel myself getting this way before going to Vegas earlier this year as well, which may be my mind telling me that I’m gonna eat whatever I want next week anyways, why not start now. Or it could be something else. 

I’m too tired to think about it now, I just am aware that I really don’t feel guilty. I don’t know if that should be scary or a relief because it’s an indicator that I shall go on, but it’s all the insight I have for now. 

Fastest 5k ever!

Someoneeee hit a milestone this weekend!! This girl ­čśÄ A sub-30 5k for the first time in my life!!!

Jared and I did the Lake Erie Duathlon this weekend, where I ran 5k, he biked 20k, and I ran another 5k. It was my birthday gift — how cool is it that my birthday gift was health oriented and I was happy?! Pretty badass. And my PR was on the second leg lol. I just kept telling myself that by the end of the race, my tank should be empty, and so I had maintained a 9:30 pace until the last half mile and then I really went all out. Some guy even tried to pass me and I beat him! Booo yaaa ­čĄú

I also had a half decent weigh in that I forgot to post. 

It looks like I won’t be in onederland before we go to California, but I still feel really good about what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. That’s an acceptable number knowing that I am still consistently working out and making myself proud. 

Now if only I had done some abs in the last 2 weeks ­čśé.  #progressnotperfection

Bing bang boom

I was right, it was a good weigh in! 

Only 5.6 lbs until onederland! I think the big difference was my long run… which is awesome except I didn’t do one this weekend so I’m gonna have to try to squeeze one in this week. This hot PA weather is brutal to run in any time but morning or in the rain, but I’ll see if I can make it work. ­čśÄ

Four mile Friday!

It’s officially a streak!! 4­čöą (I work with teenagers, forgive me for the Snapchat reference). 

I’ve been using my new garmin and so far (after a whopping 5 days), I love it! I especially like the nice little workout summaries:

I’ve been doing some reading on how to improve my pace and there is a theory that 80% of your running should be in the Aerobic Zone, and 20% in your max heart rate zone, with as little as possible in the middle “threshold Zone.”  So, I was trying to do that for today’s 4 miles, and as you can see, I failed miserably haha. 

The top of my Aerobic zone is 147, and the first half of my run was mostly in that zone. Then I think I was overthinking it and trying so hard to slow down that I was actually working against myself. I feel like I have one speed when I run – whatever I’m comfortable at that day. Haha. That doesn’t really fit in with improving speed. Soooooooo. Here’s to trying something new and weird and outside of my comfort zone. Whatever. 

Today I #touchthefence and make movement forward. 

Tomorrow will be my weigh in. I have a gooooood feeling about this week ­čśë

That dang scale

Well. Here it is. Even though I thought it was a decent week of workouts and eating, this is what I came up with on my weigh in: 209.6. I’ve been gaining and losing the same 4ish pounds for two months now. 

It’s kinda frustrating, but I think I may be self-sabotaging. I have definitely not done a long run on a weekend (or at all) since my half on June 10th, but I’ve still been eating kinda crappy on weekends. So, I’ve been setting myself up for failure a bit because I work so hard during the week but then detail on the weekend. 

So, Sunday I said that enough was enough and I ran 8 miles! 

I actually can’t believe that pace because it’s both faster than my norm and longer than any run in over a month. Weird how that works. I guess I just really needed it! 

Today I also got my new garmin in the mail. I got a decent bonus with work last week because I busted my ass this year, and I follow a few websites that include runners who use different fitness watches and methods. I did a bunch of research and I came to try the Garmin Vivoactive HR. I hope to run a triathlon someday, so this will work for that, but for now it will do everything I want with no extra effort lol. 

I didn’t order it with any thoughts about it helping me beat the scale, but full disclosure: now that I’m thinking about it, I do hope it helps! 

Today I got it and I used that as an excuse to go for a short run after work. 

I do really like the way the app is so well set up and gives all the info I want like this. Hope to see a loss on the scale this week!