I wrote earlier this week about some household projects that I wish would be done by the time I went back to work next week (a little late to plan, right?). I am proud to announce that I actually did finish one of them with Jared’s help! We had alllllll these bushes in the front yard that were huge and appeared to be swallowing our house.
We now have a window! Ha okay the window was already there, but two days ago nobody could see it because the rhododendrons were swallowing it. It may not look like much but it was a lengthy process involving borrowing the neighbors sawzall, digging with a shovel, and having my dad over to help haul in his truck. It took some real elbow grease (can you say that for outdoor work?) to get the tree-sized plants cut out and hauled off. So, success with one of my vague wannabe goals! Yay!
I also went running yesterday and Monday. I’m hoping to run this afternoon too, which I wouldn’t normally be able to do, but felixs old babysitter wanted to spend some time with him so I’ll have some time with just one baby for a while. Another yay! Being with both all day is awesome and exhausting and I’m looking forward to a little break.
Sebi and I have been bonding over the last couple days between endless nursing sessions and longer awake time.
My teeny baby is almost two months! 😩 I knew it would fly by but it is quite sad and happy all at once. Time goes on whether we want it to or not.
That goes back to the quote “6 months will pass whether you’re working out or not.” So, might as well work out, hold my babies, and take a million pictures as life changes.
One last small celebration today:
Yesterday I gave up my right before bed / bedtime nursing treat of a no sugar added Klondike in order to stay in the green. It was worth it. I didn’t even dream about ice cream 😜
Today marks the one week countdown until my return to work. I can’t lie, I’m excited and dreading it all at once.
I don’t think I’ll be as emotional this time, buuut we still don’t have daycare totally figured out since our babysitter had to go back into the workforce. Ignorance is bliss, which has been my lax attitude while I don’t panic despite not having a sitter for 2 of the 5 workdays per week. Ugh.
Anyways, I have a few projects I’ve been thinking about doing this week as a “I know I won’t have time to do this any other time” projects. For example, painting the downstairs of my house, removing any or all ugly wallpaper, completely overhauling our overgrown and hideous gardens, etc etc etc. The reality is, it’s nearly impossible to do any of these with a toddler, since the gardens I want to mess with are in the front and i can’t have him outside while I do it. Painting would be a mess too, since he’d inevitably touch the paint on the walls and mess it up. So I either have to peel wallpaper and not paint the remaining walls, or I have to do the work while my husband is home. The second option would work, but as I mentioned before, he’s been oddly tired lately and not too focused on the family.
So, I’m not sure what I’ll do but I would like to do SOMETHING so I feel a little accomplished after leave ends.
I will say this, though: running has made me feel like I’m working in a positive direction and I feel like I am doing something for myself and making the most of my leave. So even if I don’t do a project, I’ve still been exercising at least 3 times a week and gotten back into a healthy eating routine. Now I need to continue that when I go back. Finding time to work out will be significantly more difficult; however, I never got rid of my gym membership even tho I wasn’t going, so I can go back and workout on lunch if I need to. In fact, I would reeeeally like to do that if possible. We shall see.
Today I took Sebi when I went out to run. It was a good workout and I felt good. I spent time thinking about long term goals and what I’d like to see happen over the next several months and year. Obviously, each week I want to lose weight and continue working out at least 3 times. But, I know when c25k ends, I always get stuck trying to find a new goal or program. So, while thinking about what that means, I decided that I will do the 10k trainer too, if possible with the time constraints, and then stick to that distance as a max while I work on improving my speed. That means I will be able to run 6ish miles as a long run, and do some speed work as an attempt to drop my average speed per mile while I also drop weight. I follow the Runs for Cookies blog and I’ve noticed over time that her time improves when she is at a lower weight (yes, this sounds obvious) so I’m not going to try to improve speed as much as endurance while I’m still at my heaviest.
Jared wants to go to Florida around the new year to meet my parents for a vaca, so that is something else that is in the back of my mind as far as goals are concerned, because id like to be in the 240s or lower by then, equalling about 10lbs per month. It’s reasonable for a goal and has been achieved in the past, so I know I can do it, but it does help to have some things to look forward to and aim for while I’m on this long journey. My goal weight is 160 (kinda just a number I picked within the healthy range) so I have a loooong way to go. Little things along the way will help. First number goal is 10%, which would be 245 lbs, so December may be an exciting month for me lol. Other things that I’ll be excited for will be noted and celebrated along the way.
This is something that I see describing motherhood at times, and I’m not sure I fully understood the concept until I had Sebi and Felix regressed to needy baby mode.
I love breastfeeding and cuddling and providing nourishment to my baby, just as I did for Felix for 16 months. BUT. I feel pinned down so often when nursing, especially right now while I’m on maternity leave and spend all afternoon and evening with the boys alone… Every damn day.
I will say this. Running is helping because I’m more tolerant and more emotionally sound. I’ve been trying to get my runs in alone when possible, but Jared’s been struggling with being detached right now, so he is not doing so well with toddler tantrums. I’ll say this, he’s a great man and father, but life is tough right now.
In other news, I did my second run of the week this morning. I felt good and I’m ready to move on to week 4 of c25k, which will start tomorrow. I’ll prob feel totally dead but I do feel like it’s time to bump up. Today I did some squats and lunches before running in an effort to strengthen my legs so I can avoid injury, but I am so weak I could only do 1 set of 15 each. Man I’m weak. 😅
I did something I’m actually proud of today. I reached acceptance on an issue I’ve been beating myself up over for the last few weeks. I was saying yesterday about how its difficult for me to avoid eating cookies on “Cookie Wednesday” at work, and I’ve felt guilty every Wednesday for the past few weeks because of it. I’m sick of feeling guilty for my food choices, so instead of doing that today, I packed a tuna salad (which is only 100 calories!!!) so that if I had 2 cookies, my lunch would only be 380 calories. That’s an acceptable number for me, so I get to have my cookies and eat them too… haaa.
Last night I didn’t do any exercise. I know you don’t actually need a “rest day” when you’re not running, but being a mommy who works full time means I need a rest day every once in a while to make sure that I’m on top of all the things I need to be on top of. That includes spending quality time with my son… which I did last night instead of taking him for a walk with the dogs. Tonight I plan to walk so it’s okay. Plus Felix seems to like the carrier so it can count as some bonding time anyways.
I’ve actually been struggling a little bit lately with nursing. I joined a bunch of support groups for breastfeeding in hopes that it would help me feel supported and encouraged while nursing my son. Mostly they do make me feel that way… but Sunday he was so cranky that it was just killing me. I felt like I wasn’t producing enough milk and he was feeling so sick and icky that all he wanted to do was nurse all day. I was definitely TOUCHED OUT. He’s not even four months and I was feeling like giving up on nursing. My supply dipped and I was worried that I was drying up so ‘maybe I should just quit.’ That’s sick thinking. SO, instead of doing that, I added two pumpings at work to make up for it. I feel like a milk machine again. I so cherish the time in the morning and evening when I feel like I have him all to myself though. He generally gives me the cutest little half smiles.
In fact, this morning, he was sooo happy and smiley that I was actually late leaving because he was too busy smiling to actually nurse. It melted my heart and reminded me that I’m doing the right thing feeding him this way, and that was his little way of encouraging me to keep doing it. I didn’t used to believe in God, but I feel like this was a sign from God encouraging me when I most needed it.
So, I write this pumping at work and telling myself that ITS WORTH IT. Just as the eating healthy is too. Hooray for making good decisions just for today.