I did something I’m actually proud of today. I reached acceptance on an issue I’ve been beating myself up over for the last few weeks. I was saying yesterday about how its difficult for me to avoid eating cookies on “Cookie Wednesday” at work, and I’ve felt guilty every Wednesday for the past few weeks because of it. I’m sick of feeling guilty for my food choices, so instead of doing that today, I packed a tuna salad (which is only 100 calories!!!) so that if I had 2 cookies, my lunch would only be 380 calories. That’s an acceptable number for me, so I get to have my cookies and eat them too… haaa.
Last night I didn’t do any exercise. I know you don’t actually need a “rest day” when you’re not running, but being a mommy who works full time means I need a rest day every once in a while to make sure that I’m on top of all the things I need to be on top of. That includes spending quality time with my son… which I did last night instead of taking him for a walk with the dogs. Tonight I plan to walk so it’s okay. Plus Felix seems to like the carrier so it can count as some bonding time anyways.
I’ve actually been struggling a little bit lately with nursing. I joined a bunch of support groups for breastfeeding in hopes that it would help me feel supported and encouraged while nursing my son. Mostly they do make me feel that way… but Sunday he was so cranky that it was just killing me. I felt like I wasn’t producing enough milk and he was feeling so sick and icky that all he wanted to do was nurse all day. I was definitely TOUCHED OUT. He’s not even four months and I was feeling like giving up on nursing. My supply dipped and I was worried that I was drying up so ‘maybe I should just quit.’ That’s sick thinking. SO, instead of doing that, I added two pumpings at work to make up for it. I feel like a milk machine again. I so cherish the time in the morning and evening when I feel like I have him all to myself though. He generally gives me the cutest little half smiles.
In fact, this morning, he was sooo happy and smiley that I was actually late leaving because he was too busy smiling to actually nurse. It melted my heart and reminded me that I’m doing the right thing feeding him this way, and that was his little way of encouraging me to keep doing it. I didn’t used to believe in God, but I feel like this was a sign from God encouraging me when I most needed it.
So, I write this pumping at work and telling myself that ITS WORTH IT. Just as the eating healthy is too. Hooray for making good decisions just for today.
Today was another weigh-in day, and I’m at 25 days clean! (Still, sooo not used to the excitement about weigh-ins) I actually lost nearly the same amount this week as last week – 3.4lbs. This is 3 1/2 weeks for me, and surprisingly, I still feel really good about what I’ve been doing. Mondays and Tuesdays are still killers for me, but that should be over soon enough; only like 6 more weeks of school and then I won’t be killing myself (well, Ill still be doing like 60 hrs of work/week BUT I’ll be getting paid for all of it, and not just being a stupid intern… YAY).
This week is spring break for me, which means I’ll have a little more time for me (you know, like sleeping/working out/taking dogs to the park). I’m pretty excited about that. I’m still interning and working 40 hours, but without my 4 classes, that seems soo much more doable.
Tomorrow I’m meeting one of my girlfriends at a park in Cranberry with our dogs to play for a while. Ava, Yoli, and I went to the park yesterday at our apartment complex and they had a ball playing around in the mud.
It was quite the hassle cleaning the mud out of my tub after the bath, but that’s the price you pay to see your babes having a good time.
We actually chased some other dogs out of the park… it wasn’t our fault tho! There are two dogs that go there pretty often, one is a Labrador-mastiff mix and the other is some kind of pitbull mix. The mastiff is usually pretty easy to get along with, but the pitbull is small and AGGRESSIVE. From the moment we arrive, all it does is bark and try to assert its dominance on my dogs. It’s kind of frustrating because the girl who brings the pitbull is pretty nice, but she doesn’t seem to have any control over that behavior. Sometimes she even seems mad when she has to leave, but its not my fault that her dog doesn’t get along with others. My dogs usually just crouch on the ground while her dog tries to nip at their ears or hump them… it’s so weird. It is really nice to not have to worry about mine hurting other dogs, though, because they are not dominant at all. That may be because I’m very dominant. Or they just have really good temperaments. Who knows.
So, this is an image I came across a VERY long time ago on pinterest. The funny thing is, when I pinned it, I was still in that precontemplative phase of change and knew that I wanted to get healthier, but any time I would ‘diet,’ I would give up after like 3 days because I didn’t lose 10lbs right away (a slight exaggeration, but not completely). Right now, I’m at 3 1/2 weeks of my lifestyle change, and I’m not convinced I see physical changes. I know there are some emotional and energy level changes that are undeniable. I also know that I’m not out of breath as often when hustling up a hill to get to class (or wherever), so I know that I’m slowly getting my heart into better shape too.
I think my mindset is the biggest change that I’ve seen. After 3 1/2 weeks, I’m feeling proud of myself, but also still determined. In the past, I was under the impression that I could diet for a month, lose 50lbs, and then be able to go back to what I was already doing, which was eating fast food at least once a day, and never exercising. I would even avoid exercising because I knew it would make me more hungry. Now, I feel icky when I DON’T do some kind of exercise, even if it is just squats or planks or something. At this point, I’ve lost 14lbs, and I feel soo good about myself for saying I want to do something, and then DOING it. Some days it isn’t very hard, and others it is REALLY hard. Last Sunday, I went to dinner with some friends and reallllly wanted to order a big, greasy sandwich. Instead I had a steak salad and picked around the french fries. Yesterday, I went out for drinks with a girlfriend, and instead of binging on McDonalds on the way home, I ate a cheese stick before bed with a big glass of water. I knew I wasn’t hungry, but one of my old habits (and now a trigger), is driving home after drinking a little, and stopping to gorge on fast food. When I’m with someone, like Jared, its much easier to not do this, but when I’m alone, that little sneaky voice in my head says “nobody will know… just do it!” Last night I was able to ‘play the whole tape,’ and think through how I’d feel today if I had. I wouldn’t be able to check-in with 25 days clean… the scale would probably reflect the food (at least somewhat), and I would be feeling crappy. That might make me not feel motivated today and blah, blah, blah. Playing the tape really helped me deal with the trigger. Its amazing how strong I’ve become in such a short time. I want to keep this momentum going, and use it on my run today.
C25k week 3, day 1 is coming up soon (on my lunch break from work). Right now I’m eating some Healthy Choice tortellini cooked with veggies. It is surprisingly good, especially because I didn’t think I liked zucchini or cooked carrots. I’m learning new stuff about myself every day 🙂
Here’s to another week! Cheeeeers to spring break… and a break in the weather FINALLY!