I did something I’m actually proud of today. I reached acceptance on an issue I’ve been beating myself up over for the last few weeks. I was saying yesterday about how its difficult for me to avoid eating cookies on “Cookie Wednesday” at work, and I’ve felt guilty every Wednesday for the past few weeks because of it. I’m sick of feeling guilty for my food choices, so instead of doing that today, I packed a tuna salad (which is only 100 calories!!!) so that if I had 2 cookies, my lunch would only be 380 calories. That’s an acceptable number for me, so I get to have my cookies and eat them too… haaa.
Last night I didn’t do any exercise. I know you don’t actually need a “rest day” when you’re not running, but being a mommy who works full time means I need a rest day every once in a while to make sure that I’m on top of all the things I need to be on top of. That includes spending quality time with my son… which I did last night instead of taking him for a walk with the dogs. Tonight I plan to walk so it’s okay. Plus Felix seems to like the carrier so it can count as some bonding time anyways.
I’ve actually been struggling a little bit lately with nursing. I joined a bunch of support groups for breastfeeding in hopes that it would help me feel supported and encouraged while nursing my son. Mostly they do make me feel that way… but Sunday he was so cranky that it was just killing me. I felt like I wasn’t producing enough milk and he was feeling so sick and icky that all he wanted to do was nurse all day. I was definitely TOUCHED OUT. He’s not even four months and I was feeling like giving up on nursing. My supply dipped and I was worried that I was drying up so ‘maybe I should just quit.’ That’s sick thinking. SO, instead of doing that, I added two pumpings at work to make up for it. I feel like a milk machine again. I so cherish the time in the morning and evening when I feel like I have him all to myself though. He generally gives me the cutest little half smiles.
In fact, this morning, he was sooo happy and smiley that I was actually late leaving because he was too busy smiling to actually nurse. It melted my heart and reminded me that I’m doing the right thing feeding him this way, and that was his little way of encouraging me to keep doing it. I didn’t used to believe in God, but I feel like this was a sign from God encouraging me when I most needed it.
So, I write this pumping at work and telling myself that ITS WORTH IT. Just as the eating healthy is too. Hooray for making good decisions just for today.