Okay so about 1.5 weeks before vacation I fell way off the wagon and went bananas. I had a hard time with the neighbors death after also just eating crap for no reason. BUT.
I’m staying alive. I spent 5 days in southern San Diego with my fam and my fam’s fam. I ate whatever I wanted, swam in the ocean, and even got a 3 mile run in with my brother.
I will weigh myself tomorrow morning and have a better idea of the damage, but I’m assuming 7-10lbs, some of which is water weight.
It’s been hard getting back on the wagon because I’m having a ton of cravings. It’s just an unfortunate realization that I don’t think I’ll ever just be able to “eat like normal people.” I have such a hard time with intuitive eating and being all or nothing. If I’m not eating healthy, I’m eating alllllllllll the food. No moderation.
It is like AA. 1 is too many and 1000 is never enough. It’s just so much more complicated with food because you can’t NOT eat. You can just live without alcohol but you can’t live without food. Ugh.
I’m working on acceptance but it’s hard. For right now it’s just getting over the hump of severe cravings and desires to binge.