So I spent the last 3ish weeks purely documenting my food habits. I’ve been listening to Half Size me for a while and she always talks about focusing on just maintaining where you’re at to figure out what your habits are prior to making any real changes. Although I have made some changes in the last two weeks, I’ve been shooting for 2,100 calories per day. I’ve definitely gone over that on more than one occasion, especially a few days of long-session drinking; however, it looks like if I want to actually lose weight, I’m going to have to drop the number of calories I consume. I have successfully maintained my weight(ish), so I’m going to try to lower my target to no more than 1,800 per day and see how that goes.
One of the other things I’m recognizing is that the emotional baggage that I’ve been carrying for quite some time (prob since my teenage years) really needs to be addressed. After talking to a close friend a few times on some loooooong hikes, I’m realizing I need to stop apologizing things that aren’t my fault, I need to stop feeling like I owe anyone an explanation for my choices, and I need to stop taking on other peoples’ shit. I’m improving my communication of my feelings at home and I’m also talking to myself when I identify that my thoughts are not helping me. So far it has really made me feel better in general and has helped avoid any new resentments or holding on to shit that doesn’t matter. I actually said to Jared yesterday that I am done taking on other people’s emotions, because I literally carry them on my body in the form of fat because of emotional eating. That was a big thing to say out loud and I need to continue my emotional recovery because I do think it will help me hit my longer term goal, which is to get under 200 lbs. For right now, I just want to work I’m getting under 220 (today I weighed in at 226.4).
Here I am this weekend at Cedar Point with some girlfriends. It was a great trip but I’m not happy with how I look in the picture (I’ve always hated my arms) and so it’s a reminder to keep moving forward.