Grieving 

My neighbor’s 18-year-old son died last night in a car accident. I’m in shock and extremely sad. Although he and I aren’t close, it brings up all kinds of counter transference; I don’t want to lose my kids young, I work with teens every day, and I can’t bear to see his mom and grandma hurting because I can picture my mom hurting so badly. 

I binged again today. I actually put on running clothes but couldn’t run. I instead ate. I just am numb and in shock. I know running is the right way of coping but I couldn’t today. 

Today I feel for them and for all the parents who lost their babies young – even at 18. 

Felt a binge coming on

The feeling started yesterday, but I did an okay job combatting it by eating food that really sounded good, but only a limited amount. Today, I had a breakfast that was an afterthought because we didn’t grocery shop during our busy weekend… and it was downhill from there. 

I also was trying to cut back on diet soda because the world all agrees that it is poison… but it’s zero calories and satisfying, and I think that played a role. 

The odd thing, is that I had hours to think about it and interrupt it, and the conclusion I repeatedly came to was “yeahhh but I really just wanna eat some shitty food.” I hope it was a temporary thing and not an indicator of something more. I did feel myself getting this way before going to Vegas earlier this year as well, which may be my mind telling me that I’m gonna eat whatever I want next week anyways, why not start now. Or it could be something else. 

I’m too tired to think about it now, I just am aware that I really don’t feel guilty. I don’t know if that should be scary or a relief because it’s an indicator that I shall go on, but it’s all the insight I have for now. 

Fastest 5k ever!

Someoneeee hit a milestone this weekend!! This girl 😎 A sub-30 5k for the first time in my life!!!


Jared and I did the Lake Erie Duathlon this weekend, where I ran 5k, he biked 20k, and I ran another 5k. It was my birthday gift — how cool is it that my birthday gift was health oriented and I was happy?! Pretty badass. And my PR was on the second leg lol. I just kept telling myself that by the end of the race, my tank should be empty, and so I had maintained a 9:30 pace until the last half mile and then I really went all out. Some guy even tried to pass me and I beat him! Booo yaaa 🤣

I also had a half decent weigh in that I forgot to post. 

It looks like I won’t be in onederland before we go to California, but I still feel really good about what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. That’s an acceptable number knowing that I am still consistently working out and making myself proud. 

Now if only I had done some abs in the last 2 weeks 😂.  #progressnotperfection

Bing bang boom

I was right, it was a good weigh in! 


Only 5.6 lbs until onederland! I think the big difference was my long run… which is awesome except I didn’t do one this weekend so I’m gonna have to try to squeeze one in this week. This hot PA weather is brutal to run in any time but morning or in the rain, but I’ll see if I can make it work. 😎

Four mile Friday!

It’s officially a streak!! 4🔥 (I work with teenagers, forgive me for the Snapchat reference). 

I’ve been using my new garmin and so far (after a whopping 5 days), I love it! I especially like the nice little workout summaries:


I’ve been doing some reading on how to improve my pace and there is a theory that 80% of your running should be in the Aerobic Zone, and 20% in your max heart rate zone, with as little as possible in the middle “threshold Zone.”  So, I was trying to do that for today’s 4 miles, and as you can see, I failed miserably haha. 


The top of my Aerobic zone is 147, and the first half of my run was mostly in that zone. Then I think I was overthinking it and trying so hard to slow down that I was actually working against myself. I feel like I have one speed when I run – whatever I’m comfortable at that day. Haha. That doesn’t really fit in with improving speed. Soooooooo. Here’s to trying something new and weird and outside of my comfort zone. Whatever. 


Today I #touchthefence and make movement forward. 

Tomorrow will be my weigh in. I have a gooooood feeling about this week 😉

That dang scale

Well. Here it is. Even though I thought it was a decent week of workouts and eating, this is what I came up with on my weigh in: 209.6. I’ve been gaining and losing the same 4ish pounds for two months now. 


It’s kinda frustrating, but I think I may be self-sabotaging. I have definitely not done a long run on a weekend (or at all) since my half on June 10th, but I’ve still been eating kinda crappy on weekends. So, I’ve been setting myself up for failure a bit because I work so hard during the week but then detail on the weekend. 

So, Sunday I said that enough was enough and I ran 8 miles! 


I actually can’t believe that pace because it’s both faster than my norm and longer than any run in over a month. Weird how that works. I guess I just really needed it! 

Today I also got my new garmin in the mail. I got a decent bonus with work last week because I busted my ass this year, and I follow a few websites that include runners who use different fitness watches and methods. I did a bunch of research and I came to try the Garmin Vivoactive HR. I hope to run a triathlon someday, so this will work for that, but for now it will do everything I want with no extra effort lol. 

I didn’t order it with any thoughts about it helping me beat the scale, but full disclosure: now that I’m thinking about it, I do hope it helps! 

Today I got it and I used that as an excuse to go for a short run after work. 


I do really like the way the app is so well set up and gives all the info I want like this. Hope to see a loss on the scale this week!

Abs-olutely hot!

So, I’ve been doing well with my abs goals! I haven’t been following exactly, but I would say I’ve only missed 2 days since starting. All other days I’ve done some variety of leg lifts, planks, push ups, and squats. Yes, I know squats have nothing to do with abs, but they will help my running so I’m okay with them being part of the program. 

I had another four-mile Friday this week that went well, and then Saturday I ran 3.5, Monday 2.5 and today 2. Monday I actually did a circut where I ran 10 mins, and then stopped to do four sets of exercises, and then ran 10 more, etc. it was a half hour of running and I did a good variety of exercises that did leave me sore. Yay! 

The scale is still staying still where it is. I know my weekend eating has been questionable, and I am looking forward to hitting one-derland; however, I am much more comfortable at this weight than in the past so it isn’t my only priority. It’s nice to not feel so much pressure to drop pounds since my fitness level and appearance are acceptable for once in 6 years! 

My eating has been better this week, but I’m bouncing anywhere from 207-210 consistently. I’ll do an official weigh in this week regardless of what it says and record it in MFP. I just hate seeing that little graph go up!

Abs goal

So I’ve started my abs goal and am happily 3 days in with good consistency so far. 


So this is the one I’m officially following, but I’ve also added in some push ups and leg lifts… and tonight I also did the squats for this other program. 


I’m feeling pretty crappy about my stomach these days. I’ve always had a fat line at my waist, probably from wearing low rose pants for years, but it’s worse now. So, I’m gonna post a couple of embarrassing progress pics that I want to reference someday. 


Although I’m wearing a size L shirt and capris… I feel like shit because of this picture. Look at my disgusting belly. Ugh. 


This is what it looks like up close. Here’s to seeing if ab exercises really help. 


Ps. I also took some arm shots for future reference. Come on, push-ups!

Terrain run!

I completed the terrain run with my friend! 


It was Super fun! I did all of the obstacles with no hesitation until the last two, which were both basically variations of monkey bars and I’m just not strong enough for that. Oh well! I still did awesome (way better than my friend which was a confidence boost) and I’m glad I did it. 


I have some gnarly bruises from the walls I jumped but that’s the price you pay ha. 

I’m starting a new challenge. I want to be more toned in my arms and tummy so I’m gonna try my best to actually do abs and push ups with this challenge thing. I even took a before picture so I hope that in two months when we go to San Diego I’ll feel awesome. 


I was hoping for a better weigh in on Friday but I just didn’t get to run as much as I wanted so that’s what it was. It’s okay. A loss is a loss! 

Stress management 

Today I did a good job of channeling my anger into running. It wasn’t my fastest or longest or best run ever, but I felt stress and I came home and pounded it out on the pavement. 


I threw some pork chops in the oven on my way out and then ran farther than expected so I had to really pick up the pace to get home before they burned. It wasn’t that hot but the humidity is high so I really did a lot of sweating. It was just what the doctor ordered! 

Wanna hear something crazy cool? I signed up for the Terrain Race in Pittsburgh this weekend on a whim! My friend invited me and I just said yes without even making any excuses! I’m getting excited about it! It’s a 5k run with 21 obstacles like crawling under barbed wire, climbing over walls, and jumping hurdles. It’ll be wet, muddy, and hard! It’s so cool to be doing this with a friend. 

AND the same night I’m going to a beer fest with my dad and hubby. Again! Just like when I started this journey. I’ll have to get another similar picture to compare so I can really see how I’ve changed. 

Anyways. That’s how I’m managing stress these days. Running, racing, friends, and beer events! Lol