Rained out

Well, my running plans were ruined today by the rain. Planning to run on my break at work has been successful for me for the last 10 weeks, but I’ve been oddly lucky that I wasn’t ever caught in pouring rain. My streak ended today, because just as I got about half way around the track for my first lap, the rain opened up and I had to hustle back to the office. I could have just stuck it out, except I didn’t bring any extra clothes today and I couldn’t sit at my desk  soaking wet for 5 more hours in the afternoon. SO, as annoying as it was, it did give me a chance to just hang with my dogs and take them out while they wait for Jared to get home from work at 5:30.

Yesterday was weigh-in day, too. Again, I didn’t end up posting anything, but I weighed myself and put it in my MyFitnessPal account to keep track.

That’s 2.8 more lbs down! Of course, I like to be over three per week, but 2.8 is a really great number, especially after my 2ish days of binging last weekend.  Also, my boobs are pretty sore, and I’m kinda bloated because my period is coming. I think that probably has something to do with it. Even if not, I’m happy with the number! Its weird; in one week, I will have lost 40 lbs! I almost can’t believe it. The other day I realized that I’m down below the weight I was when we moved to Pittsburgh a couple of years ago… which has just been blowing my mind all week. On the weekend, I tried on a pair of my old shorts (that didn’t fit me last summer or on vacation this winter), and they fit me again! They aren’t even super tight… they actually fit me like they should.

The next thing I’m adding to the mix of my life-plan (or whatever its called) is trying to deal with my stretch marks. I’ve read about a million things about how to make them more invisible, all of which are confusing, difficult, or contradictory. This week I started ‘exfoliating’ in the shower, at least a couple of times in the week, and then moisturizing afterwards. I bought this waxy stuff that is called Tummy Butter (I think), that I’ve been using on my boobs and stomach after every shower. I need to take a picture so I can tell if there have been changes or not, but I haven’t done that yet. Some days they look better and others they look way worse, so the pictures may not even be accurate.

Last night, Jared and I went to ‘First Friday,’ a gallery crawl that happens over a couple of miles in Garfield/Bloomfield. It was really cool! Even though I didn’t run yesterday, we walked at least 2 miles going to the different galleries around that area, so I’m glad that I got some exercise. I needed to loosen my legs up, too. The art was really great! We stopped at a place that does glass blowing, and we saw a demonstration from this older man who was just there with a flamethrower, as if it were nothing. He showed us how to make different patterns in a Christmas ornament. It was super cool. I was totally mesmerized by how quickly he worked and how simple it seemed to make these beautiful glass objects. At another place, they had very simple art hanging up everywhere, and tables where you could color or paint your own pictures.

As you can see, my husband is very arty… and somewhat childish 😉 Also, neither of us is good at taking serious pictures haha. Earlier in the day yesterday, I went to the park with the dogs. In case you’re not totally sick of seeing park pictures, I’m gonna post one of Yoli because I think she’s incredibly adorable.

She totally has a cheesy dog-dimpled smile. How can you not totally fall in love with that face? Ahhh! 🙂

Happy Thursday!

Today was the best day of the week, as far as I’m concerned! I have TWO pieces of good news; I got officially hired as a PRN where I interned, and my run was AWESOME! Several times this week I felt great while running, and today was no exception. At mile two, I actually thought to myself, “Holy shit, I’m not tired. This is awesome.”  SOO weird. The workout (W10/D2) was the same as yesterday, three sets of 15 minute running separated by one minute walking. I actually finished three miles with 5 minutes left, meaning that my pace was FAST for the day! My goal right now is to get under a 40 minute 5k, and more long term, to reach a 10 minute mile. Today was right around a 13:20 mile, which reminds me that I have a long way to go, but also tells me that I’ve gotten quite a bit better over the last two weeks. Aside from the increased endurance, my pace has picked up at least one minute per mile, as during week 7 of the C25k workout (28 minute jog), I only made it right around 2 miles. Today it seems as though I’ve cut off at least 40 seconds from that pace, as well as maintained that an extra mile! Quantifying my progress is just reinforcing my commitment to working out. I totally dig it. 🙂

Getting back to my first piece of good news, I’m so excited about being officially hired! I kinda knew I would be, but nothing is as relieving as hearing that you didn’t do anything to screw up in the process. I also have another interview next week at a hospital in town. Last week, my interview didn’t go so great, so I’m hoping with more practice this week I will do better. Again, I’m probably not totally qualified for the job, but getting the interview must mean something. I just need to wow them with my incredible personality 😉

This is the outfit I wore last week. It has been my lucky interview outfit for the past year (except last week), and I’m planning to wear it again next week. Probably if I hadn’t started losing weight, the jacket wouldn’t fit, but because I have, it looks damn good on me 😉 The dress also looks good on me, but because it isn’t form-fitting, I’ve been able to wear it for quite a while. Sometimes I straighten my hair for interviews, like last week, but I think my curly hair more closely matches my personality, so I may go with that for next week. The problem is that it doesn’t look so nice and neat, and I worry that this is a problem. I guess we’ll see how the weather is (humidity and rain mean afro).

As you can see, it gets quite out of control (note the tiny curly-q in the widows peak). Crazy hair matches my wild personality… possibly not something great to show at a professional interview. Ehh, we’ll see.

I feel like I haven’t posted pictures of my adorable fur children lately, sooo here are a few of them and my hubs at the park yesterday.

Look at my hubby entertaining our babes 🙂

They like to carry the rope toy back TOGETHER. Its really a crowd pleaser.

Look at how green the grass is! Spring is definitely here. In fact, I’ve been running in my carpi-length leggings and a long sleeved shirt. It’s great… except they’re too big now. Until I get sweaty, I spend a ton of time pulling them up over and over again. Its great and annoying at the same time. When I start sweating, they start sticking more. Guess I might have to go shopping soon…

The need to shake things up.

Well, this has been another tough week, but not for the same reasons as last week. As my last post indicated, I’ve been having a tough time with my healthy eating this week. Both weekend days I splurged some, which has been affecting me every day since. Even though I haven’t gone over 1,400 calories any day since Sunday, I have really been struggling with cravings and triggers to binge. I’m not sure if its because I indulged a couple of times this weekend, or if I’m just getting to the point where I need to introduce some new, tasty foods into my diet, but either way, I’m not very happy about it. I think the combo of the two is really the problem. I didn’t cook for the week at all on Sunday, so every day I’ve just been eating whatever I could find in my house… which has been those little ‘Compleats’ things nearly every day. They aren’t horrible, but I just feel like I need something really satisfying, and I haven’t had that. Plus, two days this week at work there were tasty foods that were offered to everyone from our bosses, and I really wanted to have some both days. Monday, they had grilled hot dogs to celebrate the kickoff of Pirates baseball, and Tuesday my boss bought the department pizza. Instead I ate crappy, processed food that I didn’t even enjoy. Ugh. Fortunately, today when I weighed myself to just check-in, I was at an expected weight for the day of the week, so I felt a little better.

Now, on a brighter note, this week I ran four times! It was really tough because Saturday I had to catch up for last week, and the day was supposed to be 20 mins. That was like waaaay longer than I ever remember running at a time, and I didn’t get to walk at all. After successfully completing it though, I felt so accomplished and good about myself that I didn’t even worry about any of the other work outs this week. Today was W6D3, which means 22 minutes of jogging straight. I did it without too much trouble! At times, I did feel like I was going too slow though, so after I finish the program in two weeks, I need to start working on speed. The last minute of today’s run, I picked up the pace a lot and really extended my legs (which are really long), so I’m hoping that if I keep running for quite a while, I will begin to do this more naturally which will both elongate my muscles and increase my speed.

In other, more personal news, today it’s raining again! 🙂

I walked around campus for like 15 minutes after my workout just splashing through puddles in my bare feet. It’s only like 45-50 degrees in Pittsburgh today, but I was hot from my workout, and I just love the rain so much. I can see the world getting greener for every drop!

Tonight I have a little date planned with Jared. A couple of weeks ago he ditched me on a Thursday night to hang out with his friends, and I was pretty bummed about it, but I can tell he is making an effort to hang around more with me. His mom has been texting me this week too, which is always really nice. Its weird to enjoy texting someone’s MOM, but to be honest, I love that we’ve grown closer, even though we live like 5 hours away from them. She’s really making an effort to spend time with us and plan to be together, and I think its a really positive thing for everyone involved. I know Jared loves going up to see his niece and nephews too, since I wont let him knock me up just yet 😉

Tuesday was April 1st, which is a big date in my life. Two years ago on that day, we met Yoli for the first time. We took her and one of her brothers to the park with us to see what their personalities were and I immediately fell in love with her. She was so sweet and resilient, which was surprising in the runt of the group. She was soo uncoordinated, and you could tell that her siblings beat her up and walked all over her. To this day, she is SUCH a doll, and I’m soo glad we brought her home just a couple of weeks later when she was officially old enough. Clearly, she’s comfortable where she is now!

I think my favorite thing about our family is that we all bring different things to the table, but we all are individuals. For example, Jared is very sweet and sentimental, and I’m more practical and thoughtful. Ava is more needy and loyal, and Yoli is more independent and cuddly. Some of these things don’t seem to go together, but we all make them work. The coolest thing is that we all get along sooo well (mostly), so even though my dogs are both different, they love each other and cuddle every day! They also take care of me as much as I take care of them. I’m so lucky to have Jared AND my dogs. I think we all need each other.

A week from hell

Well. I haven’t posted in a whole week, which is very unusual for me. Work has been totally crazy (and horrible), and I only have 3 weeks of school, so projects are due weekly. Fortunately, despite all of this mayhem, I’ve been doing relatively well with my new habits. Although I only ran twice this week (I’m doing my third today), I did my official weigh-in today and was pleasantly surprised to see 3.4 more lbs gone! I’m now at 22.4lbs lost! This is so exciting, as I was hoping to be under 260 this week. For some reason, seeing my weight at the next lower level of 10’s (50’s instead of 60’s), is really satisfying. Plus, my goal is to lose 120 lbs total, and that means that from now, I have fewer than 100 more pounds to lose.

I’ve been talking to Jared more and more about my weight loss, but I’ve never actually told him how much I was weighing in the first place. I’m really embarrassed about my number, and even though its clear that I am fat, I don’t think he realizes just how high my number is. Its extra frustrating when he’ll say something like, “I weighed myself today and I’m up to 172, I’m such a fatass!” He has no idea how hurtful this can be for me, especially because I had weighed over a hundred pounds more than him for quite some time now. BUT, now that I don’t weigh more than 100 lbs more than him, its going to be that much easier for me to ignore him when he says it.

Speaking of Jared, last week I talked about feeling hurt that he was spending so much time with Derek and not me. Well, he came home from LA Tuesday (his flight got cancelled Monday – this is the reason I didn’t run – I had to take care of the dogs on my break), and ever since then he has been doing everything in his power to please me. I’m glad that I didn’t allow myself to get too vulnerable while he was gone, as playing games just a little seemed to have worked! He has been spending time with me and texting me sweet things all week. It’s really nice to have my husband back. I expect he will spend some more time away next week, but it was really great that he made the effort to take care of me this week, especially since everything was so crappy.

Now, I try not to get too personal about work and internship, but because I’ve been experiencing SOO much anxiety this week, I have to vent a little. Things at work have been horrible. I got yelled at in a meeting a couple weeks ago, and then this week, after our ‘team meeting,’ my boss made me meet with her for like two hours to basically get dirt on everyone else. This isn’t really what I’m all about. I just want to be treated like everyone else, I don’t want to out them so that they can be treated badly, I just want to point out that I’m not being treated the same so my boss will lay off me a bit. I graduate from GRAD SCHOOL in three weeks, does it seem like I need this stress added right now? NO! Ahhhhhhhhhh.

I know that there are several things I need to do over the next few weeks. One of which, is continue to eat healthy and WORK OUT. This week I only jogged twice, so I need to make sure I get back to at least 3 times per week starting today. I am hoping to do four this week, just to make up for that one. The second thing, is that I need to get organized for school. I have a rough idea of when things are due in the near future, but if I put them down on a sticky note or in my phone so I can see them (and cross them off), I will have a much more concrete idea of how well I’m keeping up with things. I also know that I need to take some time for myself. Something I love to do is take the dogs to the park and see them play happily, so I’m gonna try to do that at least three times each week too. Of course, sleeping is a big part of self-care too, but I don’t have a ton of time for that. Because of the anxiety, I’ve been trying to meditate this week too, which works until I get to work. I actually went home early on Wednesday because I was so anxious. BTW, I’d never felt anxiety until I started this mindfulness class. Ugh.

Today I’m doing C25K W5D3, which means 20 mins of running straight. I really don’t have much confidence in myself for a run that long. I talked to Jared about it the other night, and he told me that as long as I stick with the motion of running, I can do it, no matter how slow I’m going. I’m gonna try to hold on to that thought and listen to some music that really engulfs me. Sometimes when I get caught up in lyrics, I have an easier time getting distracted from how much my legs scream haa. Anyways. I’m gonna try to post a couple of times this week, depending on how work goes, so if I do, Ill definitely give an update on how today’s work out went.

Here’s my happy babe and I getting some exercise at the park! Nowww do you see why I love it there 🙂

“Cross fit training”

So, because I’m a pinterest hound (and now also weight loss blogs too), I’ve been seeing lots of posts about “cross fit”. At first I thought it was another program like P90X, but the more I look, the more it seems to be referring to exercises that don’t necessarily require any machines, but are geared toward strength training. I could be totally wrong. BUT, for the purpose of this post, that is what I’m going to be referring to when I say “cross fit” things.

Today, during my ULTRA boring biological psychology class, I was debating what workout I would do in between that class and my other one. I have 3 hours to kill between the two, and I’ve been trying to hit the gym in that time. Fortunately, my bio class is IN our campus gym, so I don’t have to work too hard to get motivated. Because I’m still uncomfortable with my body though, I usually wait until I see all of my classmates leave before I actually go into the weight room or up to the track. Who am I kidding, I usually go to the track, because I run into the same self-esteem things in the weight room. Not only do I feel as though I don’t belong, I also hate when people watch me work out, and in the weight room there are always people just standing around shooting the shit. In my mind I imagine these people standing around and making fun of the fat people in there trying to get ‘skinny’ or whatever. SO, instead of sticking around, I grabbed a yoga mat and went up to the track where I knew I could set up kinda off to the side and do some circuit stuff, what I’ve come to understand is newly called ‘cross fit’.

I could have just done an extra C25k workout this week, but my knee has been bothering me (the one I previously had surgery on), and I knew that an extra day of running might ultimately cause more problems than benefits. I also know that when I was in physical therapy, they told me that when my knee is hurting, its usually because that leg is weaker, and there is more strain on it. So, I decided to do some exercises that are low impact, that will also help to strengthen my legs, therefore helping me in several different ways. I’d just like to say that I thought this workout would be easier than just running. BOY was I wrong (I’m finding that a lot the more I blog). It turns out, this might have actually been harder than running.

My plan was to do three sets of the following: 30 second plank, 30 second bridge, 10 push-ups, 15 lunges, and 10 squats with weights in hand. When I was younger and going to aerobics a lot, I learned that it isn’t very healthy to be standing up and laying back down when your heart rate is high, so I figured I’d bunch my laying-down exercises together so that I only had to get up and down once for each set of reps. I did 30 second rests in between each, and by the last set, I completed the planks and bridge, and just couldn’t get myself to do the lunges. My legs were exhausted, I was breathing really heavy, and I just felt all together beat. I couldn’t believe it! I’m thinking that when I try this again (because now I know I need it), I’m gonna try to do 60 seconds of rest between each set, and that way maybe it will be a little easier. Having a workout regimen that I can’t physically do is not going to keep me motivated. SO, I’m gonna try to do this little crossfit thing at least twice a week from now on. If you add it up, its really only like 22 minutes long, so it shouldn’t be too hard to fit in. I’m thinking I’ll try to do it Sunday’s and Thursdays. This way, I can maintain my Saturday, Monday, Wednesday runs, and still be getting some strength stuff in on the other days. I like that it focuses on my core too. I originally planned to do a plank challenge, but to be honest, I kinda forgot about it, so I hope that if I commit to doing this two other days, it will help me to build that core strength while also counting as a ‘full workout,’ instead of just hoping that I’d fit in my two minutes somewhere in the day.

After I worked out today, I stayed on my yoga mat and used my ‘Guided Mind’ app to walk me through a meditation. I’m taking a mindfulness class right now that has really helped me to change my life. One day I felt stressed and downloaded this guided imagery/meditation app, and today was the second time I used it. The one I chose was short – like only 5 minutes long, but it seemed to work perfectly to just help me focus my attention on my breathing and muscles.

This is something they do at the end of every yoga class, and its supposed to be one of the most important portions of the whole class. SO, I’m hoping I can try to do one at the end of every cross fit day, and hopefully if I see that I like it, also do it other times too.

In totally non-health related news, when I got up this morning, I spent a little time doing some things around the house before I headed to class. Although it isn’t too warm outside, my apartment was nice and toasty because Jared called and yelled at our landlord for our heat being broken… soo now we have heat!

You can see Yoli is quite happy about the heat. She likes to lay in the sunny spot by our sliding glass door, and get so warm that she pants. Its cute that when she’s panting she looks like she’s smiling. With her eyes closed, she looks extra happy! It’s the little things….

Super Saturday

Today was another weigh-in day, and I’m at 25 days clean! (Still, sooo not used to the excitement about weigh-ins) I actually lost nearly the same amount this week as last week – 3.4lbs. This is 3 1/2 weeks for me, and surprisingly, I still feel really good about what I’ve been doing. Mondays and Tuesdays are still killers for me, but that should be over soon enough; only like 6 more weeks of school and then I won’t be killing myself (well, Ill still be doing like 60 hrs of work/week BUT I’ll be getting paid for all of it, and not just being a stupid intern… YAY).

This week is spring break for me, which means I’ll have a little more time for me (you know, like sleeping/working out/taking dogs to the park). I’m pretty excited about that. I’m still interning and working 40 hours, but without my 4 classes, that seems soo much more doable.

Tomorrow I’m meeting one of my girlfriends at a park in Cranberry with our dogs to play for a while. Ava, Yoli, and I went to the park yesterday at our apartment complex and they had a ball playing around in the mud.

Look at those big brown eyes! Happy girl in this warm (muddy) weather.

Curiosity caught on camera. Yoli with her little monkey toy that she LOVES to chase.

It was quite the hassle cleaning the mud out of my tub after the bath, but that’s the price you pay to see your babes having a good time.

You can see how much Ava likes the water…and how much Yoli hates it.

We actually chased some other dogs out of the park… it wasn’t our fault tho! There are two dogs that go there pretty often, one is a Labrador-mastiff mix and the other is some kind of pitbull mix. The mastiff is usually pretty easy to get along with, but the pitbull is small and AGGRESSIVE. From the moment we arrive, all it does is bark and try to assert its dominance on my dogs. It’s kind of frustrating because the girl who brings the pitbull is pretty nice, but she doesn’t seem to have any control over that behavior. Sometimes she even seems mad when she has to leave, but its not my fault that her dog doesn’t get along with others. My dogs usually just crouch on the ground while her dog tries to nip at their ears or hump them… it’s so weird. It is really nice to not have to worry about mine hurting other dogs, though, because they are not dominant at all. That may be because I’m very dominant. Or they just have really good temperaments. Who knows.

So, this is an image I came across a VERY long time ago on pinterest. The funny thing is, when I pinned it, I was still in that precontemplative phase of change and knew that I wanted to get healthier, but any time I would ‘diet,’ I would give up after like 3 days because I didn’t lose 10lbs right away (a slight exaggeration, but not completely). Right now, I’m at 3 1/2 weeks of my lifestyle change, and I’m not convinced I see physical changes. I know there are some emotional and energy level changes that are undeniable. I also know that I’m not out of breath as often when hustling up a hill to get to class (or wherever), so I know that I’m slowly getting my heart into better shape too.

I think my mindset is the biggest change that I’ve seen. After 3 1/2 weeks, I’m feeling proud of myself, but also still determined. In the past, I was under the impression that I could diet for a month, lose 50lbs, and then be able to go back to what I was already doing, which was eating fast food at least once a day, and never exercising. I would even avoid exercising because I knew it would make me more hungry. Now, I feel icky when I DON’T do some kind of exercise, even if it is just squats or planks or something. At this point, I’ve lost 14lbs, and I feel soo good about myself for saying I want to do something, and then DOING it. Some days it isn’t very hard, and others it is REALLY hard. Last Sunday, I went to dinner with some friends and reallllly wanted to order a big, greasy sandwich. Instead I had a steak salad and picked around the french fries. Yesterday, I went out for drinks with a girlfriend, and instead of binging on McDonalds on the way home, I ate a cheese stick before bed with a big glass of water. I knew I wasn’t hungry, but one of my old habits (and now a trigger), is driving home after drinking a little, and stopping to gorge on fast food. When I’m with someone, like Jared, its much easier to not do this, but when I’m alone, that little sneaky voice in my head says “nobody will know… just do it!” Last night I was able to ‘play the whole tape,’ and think through how I’d feel today if I had. I wouldn’t be able to check-in with 25 days clean… the scale would probably reflect the food (at least somewhat), and I would be feeling crappy. That might make me not feel motivated today and blah, blah, blah. Playing the tape really helped me deal with the trigger. Its amazing how strong I’ve become in such a short time. I want to keep this momentum going, and use it on my run today.

C25k week 3, day 1 is coming up soon (on my lunch break from work). Right now I’m eating some Healthy Choice tortellini cooked with veggies. It is surprisingly good, especially because I didn’t think I liked zucchini or cooked carrots. I’m learning new stuff about myself every day 🙂

Here’s to another week! Cheeeeers to spring break… and a break in the weather FINALLY!