All posts by Just Jess

Rewards

I have been running pretty consistently these last two weeks and am feeling pretty good about my workout log (5/7 days between last Sunday and this Saturday!) but my eating needs to be improved still. 

So, although I’m happy that I’ve been kinda hanging around the 210 mark, I reeeeeeally wanna get into onederland. 

So, the reward for that is the shoes I’ve been dreaming of: white chucks! I want them sooo bad but I just can’t seem to justify the 50 bucks. So, I’ll do that when I hit under 200… it’s a much better celebration than food!

Fall always seems to be the time of have success and commit again too, so I’m hoping the cool weather helps me to get motivated and stick to my plans!!

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Two miles of little hills. 

The goal was Hills. What actually happened was 25 minutes of gradual Hills that was good for my mindset and helped me to be a good mom when I got home. 


The hill wasn’t that intense, but I did purposely run up it 3 times when I could have avoided it all together. Next week I’ll do a hill run on the scary hill at Buhl Park. That was the goal today but I ran out of time because I’m behind on work notes. 😬 I suck. 😥

Nice quick Monday run

No more missing Monday’s. I did a 5k as part of the triathlon last weekend and I had hoped to PR. Turned out the Hills were horrrrrrrrible and I might be falling out of shape so I finished in 37:10 😱. The first place finisher had a 24 minute finish time tho which really does show how tough the course was, but it was a good indicator that I need to get my shit together again. 


I have a 10k race in a week and a half and then I think I’m gonna start training for a 10 miler in November. I also want to add one day of speed work per week tho so I can see if my time improves again. When I was 10 lbs lighter I was doing consistent 11 minute miles. Now I’m closer to 12 again and struggling. 

This week the goal has been to regain my eating habits. I set a goal of 1800 calories and recording everything because that’s how I’ve started in the past to have enough leeway to avoid a binge. I always have crazy cravings the first week or two so giving myself 1800 calories means I can have some sweets and still hit my goal. Full disclosure, the last two days have been 1850ish, but I’ll take it. 

A long run! Yay!

Needed so badly to get some exercise so that I can be a human being again and not some kind of scary monster. I set out for “at least 4” because my running game has been limited lately and I really didn’t know if I could do more than that. At mile 3 I took a turn on to my favorite back road where I do my long runs, knowing that if I did that, id be doing a minimum of 6 miles. I successfully completed 7 and felt like I could keep going if there weren’t time constraints. And finally I am me again! Now I can have patience to be a mom and not a momster 😈

Back to school and schedule complications 

Half of my job involves doing school-based therapy, which means the school year staring is a big thing for me! I have only run about twice per week since my PR a MONTH ago so I really want to get back on track immediately if not sooner. 


I learned how to put my times on a picture today so I chose this pic from a few weeks ago since I ran with the stroller today and these two brutes are getting heavy! It was a slow and painful run that I really wasnt sure I could do. I set out for “at least 30 minutes no matter how slow.” At 30 minutes I knew I could make it to 3 miles so I did. At about 10 minutes my mind was trying to trick me and tell me that running is boring and there’s no reason to do it that long. 

I have a 5k leg of a triathlon relay next week so we can’t have that! 

Accountability 

There’s the damage. Not too shabby actually. Only about 6 lbs over my lowest weight and within the realm of my last 3 months of struggle haha. Funny how that works out. 

Anyways, longish run planned tomorrow. Shooting for 6 miles and will go from there. That’ll make me feel like I’m still me and not totally lost in the old cycles that were me in the past. 


Let’s hope for a decent weekend!

Two weeks of living free

Okay so about 1.5 weeks before vacation I fell way off the wagon and went bananas. I had a hard time with the neighbors death after also just eating crap for no reason. BUT. 

I’m staying alive. I spent 5 days in southern San Diego with my fam and my fam’s fam. I ate whatever I wanted, swam in the ocean, and even got a 3 mile run in with my brother. 

I will weigh myself tomorrow morning and have a better idea of the damage, but I’m assuming 7-10lbs, some of which is water weight. 

It’s been hard getting back on the wagon because I’m having a ton of cravings. It’s just an unfortunate realization that I don’t think I’ll ever just be able to “eat like normal people.” I have such a hard time with intuitive eating and being all or nothing. If I’m not eating healthy, I’m eating alllllllllll the food. No moderation.

 It is like AA. 1 is too many and 1000 is never enough. It’s just so much more complicated with food because you can’t NOT eat. You can just live without alcohol but you can’t live without food. Ugh. 

I’m working on acceptance but it’s hard. For right now it’s just getting over the hump of severe cravings and desires to binge. 

Grieving 

My neighbor’s 18-year-old son died last night in a car accident. I’m in shock and extremely sad. Although he and I aren’t close, it brings up all kinds of counter transference; I don’t want to lose my kids young, I work with teens every day, and I can’t bear to see his mom and grandma hurting because I can picture my mom hurting so badly. 

I binged again today. I actually put on running clothes but couldn’t run. I instead ate. I just am numb and in shock. I know running is the right way of coping but I couldn’t today. 

Today I feel for them and for all the parents who lost their babies young – even at 18. 

Felt a binge coming on

The feeling started yesterday, but I did an okay job combatting it by eating food that really sounded good, but only a limited amount. Today, I had a breakfast that was an afterthought because we didn’t grocery shop during our busy weekend… and it was downhill from there. 

I also was trying to cut back on diet soda because the world all agrees that it is poison… but it’s zero calories and satisfying, and I think that played a role. 

The odd thing, is that I had hours to think about it and interrupt it, and the conclusion I repeatedly came to was “yeahhh but I really just wanna eat some shitty food.” I hope it was a temporary thing and not an indicator of something more. I did feel myself getting this way before going to Vegas earlier this year as well, which may be my mind telling me that I’m gonna eat whatever I want next week anyways, why not start now. Or it could be something else. 

I’m too tired to think about it now, I just am aware that I really don’t feel guilty. I don’t know if that should be scary or a relief because it’s an indicator that I shall go on, but it’s all the insight I have for now. 

Fastest 5k ever!

Someoneeee hit a milestone this weekend!! This girl 😎 A sub-30 5k for the first time in my life!!!


Jared and I did the Lake Erie Duathlon this weekend, where I ran 5k, he biked 20k, and I ran another 5k. It was my birthday gift — how cool is it that my birthday gift was health oriented and I was happy?! Pretty badass. And my PR was on the second leg lol. I just kept telling myself that by the end of the race, my tank should be empty, and so I had maintained a 9:30 pace until the last half mile and then I really went all out. Some guy even tried to pass me and I beat him! Booo yaaa 🤣

I also had a half decent weigh in that I forgot to post. 

It looks like I won’t be in onederland before we go to California, but I still feel really good about what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. That’s an acceptable number knowing that I am still consistently working out and making myself proud. 

Now if only I had done some abs in the last 2 weeks 😂.  #progressnotperfection