My story

So. I’ve been listening to podcasts a ton lately. Like in a crazy obsessive way. And every time someone shares their story there seems to be some crazy thing that causes the weight gain. I almost feel guilty that I don’t have a ‘thing;’ as if that makes me less than someone else.

Here are my irrational and negative thoughts. It’s like I don’t deserve to be successful because I failed in the first place for no reason – nobody died, nobody left me, nobody raped me… I just started obsessively eating fast food. Like literally OBSESSED with it.

But why?

I talked to my brother about it this weekend and he’s had the same experience. What is it with fast food being like crack? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised but it just makes me so angry at them.

Anyways, so I’m listening to the same 300 pounds and running podcast that has like many episodes but they all have the same format – how did you gain weight in the first place, what was your ‘aha moment,’ what products changed your life, what would you say to someone who DNF their first race, etc – and I always get choked up at the reason for gaining part. Some people just happened to gain in college, but usually not.

I’m just a girl who is fat. Now I’m a fat girl who is trying to keep it together who weighs slightly less (okay 80lbs)…

Why is it so hard to be proud of my story and just own it? I turned my life around for my family and that is something. I’ve kept it that way for a year and that is something. I have run two half marathons and that is something.

My something is as much as other people’s somethings…. just keep saying that Jess.

Speedwork intervals – overall pace isn’t impressive but that’s with a 5 minute walk in and walk out so I’ll take it. All 7 intervals were at 8-something pace. Woo! I am enough. I am enough. I. Am. Enough.

A week of SICK

I’ve never been sick for so long in my life. Sebi had a stomach bug last Sunday and Monday, but was good on Tuesday. Felix started to act a little off on Tuesday, and had a tummy ache Wednesday and Thursday. I had the stomach bug from Tuesday alllllllll the way to Saturday, and then somehow it morphed into a sinus infection (wtf??). So I actually haven’t run since the half marathon.

I spent dayyyyys feeling like crap and sleeping like crap. Even today, my sinus infection is full blown and my face is chapped from blowing my nose constantly.

Whatever.

Anyways, through all of that sickness, I ate random things for a week – ramen noodles, grilled cheese, even Taco Bell. It’s been weird. So today I had to get back into the eating routine even though my nose made it so I can’t taste anything – that usually leads to bingeing on crappy food (like a pizza) because it’s more likely to have flavor. I didn’t do that today. Today I was victorious over my appetite. Tomorrow I hope to get my 8,500 steps in.

Half marathon done!

I’m only half crazy….

Beat my time from last year by a minute + yaaaaay! Surprising too with my leg thing acting up (IT Band maybe?) so I’m thrilled!

Also got 35,000 steps in yesterday. Yeeeeahhhh!